Tweens
Published in the August-September issue of Suburb Magazine
Mrs Primlani is a liberal modern parent. She allows her 10-year old daughter and 12-year son to go on school excursions and out-of-town camps. However, she does not consent to sleepovers unless she knows the concerned families well. Allowing independence along with ensuring safety is the uppermost priority required when dealing with tweenagers, or “tweens” as they are popularly called.
Tweens, who are also referred to as preteens, middle-schoolers, and tweenies are between the ages of 10 to 12 years.
The stage is also referred to as preadolescence, especially for girls who are at the in-between stage of their development – when they are considered "too old for toys, yet too young for boys.”
Tweens share some characteristics with teenagers, such as changing bodies and growing interest in the opposite or same gender. They also differ from younger children in that they are not usually occupied primarily with play. In fact, tween years are the time for the most rapid and dramatic changes in development since conception and early infancy.
Tweens face a variety of obstacles in the next few years, such as transitioning from elementary school to middle school, approaching puberty, increasing responsibilities, more homework, and exposure to dangerous behaviour by peers including drugs, sex, and alcohol. During these middle school years, tweens are most likely to face bullies and several other social challenges.
Needless to say, tweenagers can pose quite a challenge to parents. One minute they can be sweet and loving, the next they can be moody and difficult. Many tween girls experience their first period around the age of 12, and brain development at this age is also dramatic for both boys and girls. Most notably in this age group, physical changes brought about by the onset of puberty are also accompanied by emotional changes. Socially too, tweens feel pressurized to fit in and become popular.
It is an age of huge mental and physical growth. Tweens begin to develop unique social needs and desires, and reveal distinctive hopes, dreams, and expectations for the future. They also gradually begin to develop their own sense of self, by identifying their interests and expressing themselves through their activities. It is the time for their first adult interests to emerge, such as playing sports, musical instruments, cooking, sewing, using computers, etc. Many schools encourage tweens to join sports clubs, bands, orchestras, and religious activities.
Self-esteem at this stage is usually fragile. As such, tweens are highly affected by their friends and face worries that are often focused on how they will interact with others in society.
Many parenting experts believe that today's tweens are growing too fast, and are exposed to unhealthy doses of violence, sex, drugs, and other deviant kinds of behaviour through television, video games, and the internet.
Being a tween is not easy. Watching one’s child inch towards adolescence can be difficult, especially when you know all the dangers that lie ahead. In order to help your tween through this transitional phase to adolescence, you must first put yourself in his/her shoes.
Preteens will test your limits frequently, and you'll find yourself wondering what's happened to your little child. This is normal behaviour for them but that doesn't mean it's acceptable. Parenting requires that you take the time to set limits for your children, and help them understand why these limits are in place. It's also important to enforce rules and consequences when your tween doesn't follow your expectations.
Tweens need constant guidance and support. One way to help them cope is to encourage them to write down their feelings in a diary or journal.
Below are some of the steps parents can take to know, understand, and relate to their tween:
· Empower tweens in tasks they are able to accomplish
· Set reasonable boundaries that are acceptable by mutual consent
· Have sensible expectations
· Inculcate the significance of using time constructively
· Indoctrinate customary values
· Facilitate the process of carving an identity by encouraging tweens to identify their strengths and dealing with their weaknesses
· Preteens need their parents to guide them through puberty. They need help to make sense of their changing bodies, with all the social and sexual changes that are taking place within them
· Preteens today have social networking sites and the internet to keep them busy (and sometimes distracted). In addition, they are far more knowledgeable about sex and other adult issues than they used to be years ago. This can prove to be challenging for parents and confusing for tweens
· Your tweens should feel free to come and talk to you about bullying, peer pressure, and other social problems that might be bothering them. In addition, you could also keep in touch with other parents of tweens to stay updated on what's going on in the community
· Tweens are going to get into trouble. Period. But you can still minimize trouble and prevent some of the bigger problems by frequently chatting with them about their life, what's troubling him, and what their friends are up to. Be specific about your family's values concerning smoking, drinking, and drug use.
Q. I am a 14-year old girl, who is fairly good looking. I have fallen in love with my classmate but he does not love me and keeps avoiding me. I am unable to study as I keep thinking about him. Please tell me what to do.
A. Boys at your age are very shy and unsure of themselves. Girls, on the other hand, mature faster and are very much under control. Your classmate is not trying to avoid you, he just does not know how to handle your attention and interest in him. Boys at this age pretend to be indifferent because they are afraid that any wrong move by them might scare away pretty girls like you.
Become aloof and you will see him lighten up around you. Wait for him to make a move and you will enjoy his friendship in a more relaxed manner. It is quite natural and interesting to have friends who are boys. In the meantime, concentrate on your studies as it is a competitive world, and everyone (including boys) care for and respect girls who do something worthwhile with their lives.
You are a beautiful young girl – you have no idea what wonderful treasures life has in store for you. Let them unfold gradually while you continue doing your duty – which right now is to study hard and do well.
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