Midlife Euphoria - Day 21

Midlife Euphoria

The Marriage Conundrum | A Time of Transition in One of Society’s Oldest Institutions

In one of my previous chapters, I have mentioned that our generation has witnessed the maximum advancement in technology and has embraced evolution with open arms. Not only are we familiar with the latest gizmos, we are actually manipulating them to our full advantage.

There is another very important establishment of society that has revolutionized its version. It is the oldest institution of civilization, namely marriage and matrimonial relationships. Our generation has had the privilege of witnessing our grandmothers married to seemingly autocratic males (our grandpas). Overtly, the men were dictatorial and pompous – It is another matter that the same high-handed males outside the house would be tame little puppies at home. The clever women got their way even then, but to be confrontational outside the house was considered inappropriate. That was a time when a woman would be seen and not heard. For the woman, the perceptive juggling of various nuances of marriage associations bore compensation only after a considerable number of years and that too if they had played their cards intelligently.

If the man was seen helping his wife in any domestic pursuits, his macho image took a beating. I remember my own father and uncles hesitating to assist in any household chores, especially in front of their mother or other relatives.

We have come a long way since then. Voicing the same, I wrote an article the link to which is:
http://littleblackbookdelhi.com/2013/02/12453/the-marriage-conundrum-a-time-of-transition-in-one-of-societys-oldest-institutions

The article is as follows:

Marriage is one of the strongest institutions that keep a family, a society and its people together. Over the years, the roles that members of a family perform have modified. No longer is the man the exclusive earning member and the wife a full-time custodian of the house. Their roles have diversified due to which they have common characteristics. There is sharing of responsibilities in what was once considered, essentially gender-based chores like child rearing, cooking, and cleaning for the woman and travel-related jobs, outstation conferences, etc. for the man.

Needless to say, to keep the institution of marriage efficacious, both the spouses have to compromise for each other constantly. In many ways, a girl still has to measure up and stretch out far more than the boy, as the prerogative to break or keep the family together most usually lies with the woman. At the time of marriage, women are far more astute, mature, and pervasive in a house than a man. By their look and persona, they can make the house a warm place for friends/relatives or mar it completely. This is an inherent quality a woman possesses, which is different from men and can only be explained by saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Thanks to the fact that women have found a voice and have increasing financial security, they are not in a hurry to jump into marriage. There is no right and proper age for marriage. Girls want to be sure that their spouse is someone who is compatible and someone who she can relate to, physically and mentally. The shift is from looking up to a husband to standing equal to him like a friend.

Women have evolved more than their male counterparts. They have embraced new ways of the world copiously and now feel emancipated and worthy. Not only are they balancing their roles at home and out of the house effectively, they are also excelling in fields that were so far dominated by men.

Most men are still in a state of transition, primarily because the stereotype of a docile wife still persists among several sections of society. Thus, the perception lingers in their minds, and they rationalize it by presuming that their parents are not yet ready to embrace a liberated daughter-in-law. It would be invalid to say that all men are coping with this dilemma, even though some have actually come to terms with this development. A woman in many cases is not only an earning member, but possibly the principal wage earner, whereas the man maybe an auxiliary. Depending on the pressures at work, some men have decided to be house husbands willingly, a concept that was unheard of until a few years ago.

On the other hand, there are men who covet a progressive woman who challenges and contests them in the same way as their male colleagues. They are likely to prefer a woman who is well acquainted with the modern endeavors of the world. Nevertheless, they also tend to get intimidated by the idea of marriage. These men too seem to be in the process of consolidating their sense of self, in order to handle the changing definition of the women of today.

It is due to this discrepancy in the evolution of coherent understanding between men and women that the sacred institution of marriage appears to be a bit shaky. This phenomenon is not limited to the west, but signs of its vulnerability are apparent in our country too.

However, I firmly believe that now is a changeover period. The time has come when the foundation of a healthy matrimony will be the alliance of two equally balanced states of mind with a spirit of camaraderie to attain collective intends. Only then, beyond doubt, the institution of marriage will once again become the formidable force it once used to be.