Midlife Euphoria Day 17

Q:   Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are
       interested in them?
A:   Try a bookstore under fiction.

This joke in my opinion is outdated and not relevant in this age.

Now-a-days the young, sexy and the go-getting women make a bee line for the 50 plus.

Reason or rather some of the reasons are:

1)      At 50 + a man is at the pinnacle of his business /career.

2)      He has maturity, authority and an immaculate personality.

3)      He is worldly wise and sophisticated.

4)      He looks suave and has cultivated style.

5)      He has an opulent life style and a luxurious car.

6)      He can offer to buy expensive gifts.

7)      He can indulge in exotic holidays.

8)      He has a bevy of staff to make you feel on top of the world.

9)      He is ecstatic with the attention from the opposite sex especially if she is young, sexy and obliging.

10)  It is easy to boost up his ego by simple maneuvers.

The rationale can go on and on but I think I have made my point.

In the recent years the very disturbing trend has been witnessed is  the so called rock solid marriages that seem to be shaking. People who have been married for years are suddenly finding solace in someone else’s arms.

A wealthy, successful chap does not want to put up with the tantrums of his menopausal wife especially when he has a young vibrant secretary who is just the converse of his pragmatic and ageing wife.

There are many celebrity married couples where the man is old enough to be the father of the woman. Whether it is younger woman dating older man, older women dating younger men or women getting attracted to already married men, society does not look kindly at the woman in such relationships. Those women are often branded as gold diggers or the other woman whereas the man in the relationship would be called a ‘stud’ or ‘hero’

This drift has been around for a while. This happens more so with celebrities because they are so much in the public glare and the reactions are all the more manifest. However the phenomenon, whether people like it or not, is increasingly coming out in the open. In the past too, such relationships existed but were not talked about too much.

 In Bollywood, Thespian Dalip Kumar married Saira Banu who was considered a beauty in those days and was half his age, then Rajesh Khanna married Dimple who was about 20 years his junior in age.

Step into Hollywood it is common to find young girls losing their hearts to famous, flourishing older people. Hugh Hefner at the ripe old age of 84 has married Crystal Harris, 24 year beauty. Hugh Hefner’s marriage to Crystal Harris will “definitely” be his third and last. The 84-year-old Playboy mogul thinks the 24-year-old beauty “deserves” to still be his spouse when he eventually passes away. Some other celebrated weddings of younger girls marrying much older men are, Ronald Reagan and Nancy, John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline, Elvis Presley and Priscilla, Prince Charles and Diana Spencer, Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones

The term cougar refers to a relationship where a woman is romantically involved with a much younger man and it was the theme of the 2009 super hit film "Wake up Sid". Audiences loved watching Ranbir Kapoor falling in love with the older Konkona Sen Sharma and even thronged the theatres for it.

In India, the most publicized cougar couple was Saif Ali Khan who married Amrita Singh way back in 1991. She was 12 years older to him. Their marriage had raised a lot of eyebrows, with people questioning the compatibility and the big age-gap, but it lasted a good 12 years. In 2004 they got divorced.

Even master blaster Sachin Tendulkar's wife Anjali Tendulkar is five years older to him whereas Bollywood actress Manisha Koirala has married seven years younger Samrat Dahal and choreographer-turned-director Farah Khan exchanged vows with eight-year younger Shirish Kunder.

In Hollywood the trend has been more common.Quite a few Hollywood celebrities have had successful "cougar" marriages

Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher Demi Moore was 42 and Ashton Kutcher was 27 when they married. Tina Turner and Erwin Bach had an age difference of 16 years, Elizabeth Taylor was 20 years older than Larry Fortensky, Joan Collins married Robin Hurlstone, 25 years her junior and  Percy Gibson-who was 32 years younger than her. Gina Lollobrigida and Javier Rigauy Rafols were 34 yrs apart in age.

Other such couples are Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (12-year age gap), Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (10-year age gap).

Even pop diva Madonna, known for her experimental looks, tried it when she tied the knot with 10-year younger Guy Ritchie. But they separated two years ago.

Recently we have  witnessed non celebrity couples too breaking up just after the marriage of their children. It appears as if they had a pact to perform this last act before going their separate ways.

The wives are content with the hefty maintenance that the prosperous husband can offer and the man is happy to flaunt a sexy eye candy in his ageing arms like a trophy. The arrangement works for every one while the estranged couple continues to be friends. The children have little objection to the new member in their parents life as combating with the pressures of the modern day living, they have very little to do with them in any case.

 According to psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh, “ just as a woman would look for a father figure or fulfil her needs for protection in an older man, a man would look for a mother figure or fulfil his needs for tender care and love in an older woman."

Moreover, a drastic shift in the financial status has made today's women independent and they enjoy the power to pick and choose their partners without worrying about age, money and caste.

"Women today, just like the men, are experimenting and are also sure enough of themselves to take such chances. In this whole discussion, we must not make it a feminist thing as it is as much a woman's choice as a man's. The younger man is also, at the same time, taking the decision to marry an older woman," said Chugh.

Who says there is no excitement in midlife?

Midlife Euphoria

Midlife euphoria Day 16

                   

                Sooner we realise, the better..................

His Holiness, The Dalai Lama was once
asked what thing about humanity surprises him the most.
His reply was: "Man.
Because he sacrifices his health to make money.

Then he sacrifices his money to regain his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future, that he doesn't
enjoy the present.
And as a result, he doesn't live in the present or for the
future.
And he lives as if he's never going to die.
And then he dies having never really lived."

I read this somewhere and realized how true this rings and on further reflection saw the wisdom that is implied in these words of his Holiness, The Dalai Lama.

Isn’t it true that most of us work fanatically putting in 10-12 hours of work (not taking the commute time which takes up a couple of hours more) when we are young? Not only that we then party till the wee hours of the morning and resume work the next day.

This pace of life is to protect ourselves financially and be able to take care of ourselves and our health when we are old. Firstly we are earning money to safe guard our health in the future, the very thing that we are abusing in our youth.

These days the young people start their careers with astounding pay packages. The remuneration looks very attractive but an employer who pays this kind of money wants his pound of flesh.

Result, these greenhorns work their buts off (literally- sitting on a computer from morn to night) labouring for 12-14 hours. Then they are expected to entertain, travel and meet deadlines. These naïve fools do not comprehend that the cunning employer is getting the work of two with wages for one and a half. Both go laughing to the bank but the poor worker is burnt out by the time he is forty and on top of it has a list of disorders that chase him for the rest of his life.

Gone are the good old days when government offices used to shut at five in the evening and the defense personnel put the shutters down at one noon. After a leisurely lunch and a nap at home, the evening was meant for out door games, brisk walks, exercise and socializing in the evenings. The scenario is no longer the same. You see harassed employees sitting in their chambers much after 8 pm. On reaching home they have no energy for outdoor or any other recreational pursuit. Invariably what becomes the refuge is the television which has been called the “The idiot box” by many. It is an indolent and inactive form of entertainment stifling communication skills and curbing intellectual stimulation. Not only that, creatively is massacred and we tend to become slaves of sluggishness swallowing any trash that is doled out. The exposé turns us off but one is too apathetic to think otherwise and slowly resign ourselves to our helpless fate becoming couch potatoes a term synonymous with obesity.

Obesity and insomnia is a root of sleep apnea, a term I was recently made familiar with. Inactivity in their life styles brings about obesity while trying to catch 36 hours from a normal cycle of 24 hours sets off insomnia. Shift work and jet lag are the other causes which makes one more prone to this disorder. In sleep apnea the throat collapses or becomes obstructed, causing breathing to stop for several seconds. Sixty to seventy percent of sleep apnea patients are obese.

The frequent drops in oxygen level and reduced sleep quality trigger the release of stress hormones. These compounds raise your heart rate and increase your risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, and arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats). The hormones also raise the risk of heart failure. These are some of the ailments the young are suffering from much ahead of time.

Doesn’t this scare the daylights out of you?

None of us start eating right, exercise or relax unless prescribed by the doctor. More and more people are going to dieticians, spiritual healers and meditation workshops, yoga instructors etc in their quest to obtain peace, equilibrium and general well being.

Young people sport grey hair, suffer from hypertension and diabetes and undergo cardio-vascular disturbance much before age.

The reason behind it is “A life style change” and the remedy is “A life style change”

Why is the youth emulating us the mid- lifers in the way we look. Too early they have grey hair, paunches and stiffness of bones and other medical issues we may or may not have. Instead why don’t they embrace the life style of “take it easy”, working at our pace, more tolerance, eating right and exercising enough to keep our limbs working? Why must they first accumulate wealth by destroying their wellbeing and then nurse themselves back disseminating the very assets they killed themselves to earn?

We must learn to live moderately, value our possessions and have the capacity to enjoy them for the longest time.

It is easier said than done. Each one of us has to tread on this path, learn from our faults and chalk out our own future plans and reach this level of realization.

Thankfully we at midlife have moved on to this comfort zone. We have done it and seen it all and moved on. Therefore we are happier, more relaxed and moving at a healthier pace of life. There is no rush in our lives. If we can’t get something today we can wait till tomorrow. We are calm and a lot more tolerant, maintaining a better equilibrium in our life.

Three cheers for Midlife!!!!