Monday, November 15, 2010

Midlife Euphoria Day 10

Midlife Euphoria Day 10
Surround yourself with “friends” who matter.  How would one describe a  friends? Is it some one you meet often? That can be an office employee. Is it some one who is a neighbour or a relative? Or is it some one you like to hang out with.
The dictionary definition of a friend is:  a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. I would go further and say friends are people who you like to spend time with and who make you feel on top of the world. They are people who support and sympathize with your concerns and help you overcome your dilemmas. Sometimes just airing your problems helps to re-organize your thoughts and hit upon solutions, provided you have an attentive, sensitive and a patient listener (difficult commodity to find). Friends are people you know well and regard with affection and trust.
During midlife one needs to have a close circle of people with positive mind sets as one is battling with numerous physiological and physical adjustments. These individuals can be family members or acquaintances who over the years have acquired the status of “friends”.
Relatives play an important role in our lives especially in our society. Ideally if a relative becomes a “friend” you are extremely lucky. Your need to meet is  limited to mere duty but a prerequisite to your own pleasure. Relatives are part and parcel of a package you acquire as soon as you are born and then the network extends further after you get married. They are not like friends who you can choose and discard. If one is not comfortable in their company best is to avoid unpleasant encounters and limit interaction only to obligatory events like marriages, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries etc.
On the other hand some friends become an integral part of your life and play a more significant role in your life than blood relations. Encircle yourself with people who are cheerful, compassionate, and warm and have a zest for living. They are people who move ahead with times and are above petty issues of life that sometimes become unproportionately significant. 
I have encountered both kinds of people in my life. Some are unpleasant while others always put a smile on my face. One has learnt to avoid the disagreeable ones and live with the optimistic lot. Fortunately I am acquainted with more of the latter type and I am also lucky to have some soul mates who are relatives.
I remember a couple of years back, we, a group of college friends met after a long time. Now in our forties and mid forties we all talked about the various changes that we were observing in our physique. From bulging waistline, dark circles and puffiness of the eyes, aching knees, acne, rounded limbs, falling and graying of hair, everything was discussed in great detail as if it was the end of the world. Till a friend of ours who looked the most cheerful dropped a bomb by stating that she had been diagnosed with cancer. There was shell shocked silence that followed her candid declaration. She was bravely combating a situation that was genuine whereas all our flippant concerns were inconsequential. Her two young children, one in high school and one still in the primary section, her husband whose work entailed a lot of travel were all grappling with the situation. Amazingly she was overtly, calm and collected, holding a job alongside taking the severe invasive treatment for her ailment.
Unfortunately our friend passed away some years back but her composure and dignity till the end astounded everyone and is a lesson in life for all of us.
When a child is born he is crying while everyone around is smiling at the marvel of yet another life. We must endeavour to live our life such that at the end we are smiling and everyone around is crying (genuinely). That’s how our dear friend lived her life and is fondly remembered as the lively and spirited person that she was.
Life is too short to harbour grudges. If there is a problem face it. There is no point in living with self pity, envy or ill feelings for others. Learn to write your hurts in sand and carve your rewards in stone as the pains in sand will erase off  while the proceeds by a friend should be carved in stone to cherish for ever. If some one has offended you it may be due to adverse circumstances in their lives. Give them the benefit of doubt, do not jump to conclusions and sit in judgment. If you can have a heart to heart, go ahead and clear the murky air, bury the hatchet and move on. If not possible just ignore/avoid people who disturb your body equilibrium. When you are unhappy your homeostasis is disturbed inducing hormones to secrete negative energy in the body which creates maladies.
Instead spend time with cheerful people and let their joie de vivre rub on to you. Find your clan and let them know that they are great. Reciprocate and make  them feel on top of the world . More than valuing the things you have in life value “who” you have in your life. These are people who love you unconditionally in spite of all your imperfections. They love you not for what you "do" but for "who" you are. You are special and unique in your special way to them. That in itself is a great exhilaration
It is not necessary to have the best of everything to be happy. Happy people make the most of everything that comes along their way. They forget the past disappointments and trials and move forward to a brighter future. The positive vibes and energy they exude will always be a source of pleasure Their exuberance for life will keep you in good cheer and put a spring in your step (in spite of your aching knees).