Midlife Euphoria Day 9

Midlife Euphoria Day 9

Youth is all about how you feel!

In year 1998 we went to the United States. We were going to be on the East course as my husband was attending a course. I had tracked down a college pal who was in the West course. We were not going to meet, however we talked on the phone every day. This was about 30 years (ouch!) after passing out of college.

She asked me how I looked now. Before I could say anything I thought struck me. Since we were not going to meet why not indulge in a little prank? I told her I look just the same and am maintaining my 50 odd Kilograms weight. She was quite impressed. Just for a bit of fun I added that now I have lustrous long hair till my waist which I always longed for in college. On inquiring about her, she informed me that she had recently joined a gym and had lost oodles of weight and was now wearing off shoulder and backless dresses. We were suitably impressed with each other. After that we remained in touch.

Two years later we were going to the US once again and this time to the West Course. My friend Sukhi, was coming to receive me at the airport. The fantasy was going to come to an end. At the airport we burst out laughing when we saw each other. I was my 50 odd Kilograms but the “odd ones” were about 15 and my famous mop of hair for which I was nick named Dingo in college remained the same, just above my shoulder. Sukhi without doubt was overweight and was togged up in the straightforward blue jeans with no-frills top that did nothing for her declared figure. She had also played on the deception I had started. But the fact of the matter was that we still felt as if we were in college. Even though physically we had grown (sideways) but mentally we still experienced the same joie de vivre.

Recently we met up a bunch of college pals in Delhi. I was meeting a couple of them after a gap of 35 years. Each one had moved on in life with some of us achieving accolades in our respective jobs, some with married children, some on the threshold of marrying them, retiring husbands etc. We resolve to do these reunions at least once a year, where whoever can join is welcome.

In one of our previous meetings a friend of ours seemed very distraught. She looked pensive and brooding giving her an unhealthy pallor. She had her children a little late so her responsibility towards the household had prolonged a little more than a couple of us, who had grownup children leaving us with more time on hand. Even if some of us took a break when the children were young had now resumed active work. Most of us were working either full time or at leisure or involved in some stimulating activity. She felt sorry for herself as if life was slipping away without meeting several unfulfilled passions.

This time when we met again after a couple of years it was wonderful to see her radiant and cheerful. On inquiry one learnt that she had actively got involved with a Non Government Organization (NGO). This NGO works for the cause of the Girl Child. Now she was purposefully employed, managing her household chores and finding enough time for the NGO. Her efforts are greatly appreciated and with help they are trying to adopt a village where the issues relating to the Girl Child will be dealt with. With not knowing what to do in the spare time she had, now she has her hands full with a day full of commitments.

This state of mind is entirely up to you. When you come out of your sluggishness you realize that you can fit many other activities in your schedule which seemed near impossible earlier. Take this friend, not only does she find time for her affairs in the NGO, besides her household chores (which she is accomplishing more efficiently) she manages to go to the gym at least three times a week and is planning to publish a book. Isn’t that amazing!!!

The point I am trying to make is that there is no age to pick up where you left or start a new venture that revitalizes your life. Also left to yourself you wallow in your gloominess and are not motivated to take positive steps to rectify your circumstances. But when you meet people at an equal footing especially your college friends you are stirred and want to show them your former mettle.

Therefore as one is growing older it is important to connect with your childhood friends, if only to get the spark of youth and vigour. They are like soda in a glass of whisky shaking you out of melancholy and putting you in high spirits.

Midlife Euphoria Day 8

Midlife Euphoria Day 8

Our Retirement Plan

This summer we went to Mashobra, a hill station ten kilometers from the capital city of Himachal Pradesh, Shimla. The idea was to get away from the terrible heat of Delhi and also because a couple of our friends have bought cottages in a housing complex there, after retirement. They were persuading us to stay with them and eventually invest in an establishment of our own as a summer get way.

We went there and stayed in a hotel close by. However every day we were in the retreat our friends were staying in. There are 26 units in the complex each within shouting distance from each other. Tucked away in the village, overlooking a valley, away from the hustle bustle of the city, in the midst of an orchard, this place is paradise on earth. Bright sunlight, clear blue skies and stars at night beckon you. The complex is maintained by the staff throughout the year irrespective of whether you are there or not. As a result when you open your house after six months (during winter October-November to March -April most people go down) the place welcomes you with clusters of hydrangeas in mind boggling colours. I have never seen better landscaping with well manicured lawns, lined with incredible clusters of hydrangeas, trees laden with apples creating a breathtaking panorama. This sight itself appeases your mind and restores body equilibrium.
What impressed us most about the place was the liveliness and good spirits of the inhabitants. Not all of them knew each other before occupying the premise but in no time, they were all like buddies. It is proximity coupled with the charm of the place that attributes goodwill in one’s behavior contributing very positively towards general well being.

Most residents are well above sixty. Free from the responsibility of a job and children they are free to spend a couple of months in the tranquility of the hills every summer enhancing the quality of their lives surrounded by beauty and tranquility.

The best way to get around in the area is to walk and the best part is that you don’t have to drag yourself out of bed early in the morning as it is a pleasure walking any time during the day. There is a golf course close by and the golf lovers become temporary members for the season and enjoy the game at their own leisure. There is no problem of traffic, finding time, yanking your self out of bed at an unearthly hour to hit the greens.

Some get together every morning for a game of cards. Rummy, Canasta and Bridge are popular distractions. Lunch gatherings are common and there is always some little celebration going on. People respect each other’s time and serve food at a decent hour unlike the big cities where lunch is not served before evening and the success of a dinner is gauged by how late it is served and how many people got completely smashed. Dinners are infrequent therefore by default everyone sleeps early with a light dinner and wakes up early without an effort. These are the golden rules of a radiant way of life.

Entertainment is disciplined making it possible to party more often. The idea is to be with like minded people and spend time joyfully. It is not a strain on the pocket either, as most of time it is a BYO (Bring Your Own dish and liquor) bash.

Before we came up for the summer break, we had no intention to acquire any property here. But our assessment changed dramatically after spending a few days in the midst of this haven.

Living in a city, one is very comforted to see well-equipped hospitals all around with state of the art medical facilities. This was a concern but it paled away after meting these hale and hearty older people. Our conclusion: A robust lifestyle sans stress and pollution is the best medicine to remain in good physical shape. The rest can be left to God. Besides, one gets to eat fresh organically grown fruit and vegetables throughout the year unlike the cold storage food that one eats in the city. The apples and pears smell different and the plums, peaches and apricots have never tasted better.

Now we are proud owners of a tiny apartment in the same complex and our retirement plan is to spend five to six months in the retreat to rejuvenate ourselves and enjoy the winter in Delhi, getting the best of both worlds. The additional benefit is the comradeship one shares with friends. Also we have the advantage to spend quality time with visiting friends and family.

After setting up house, our endeavor is to spend as much time as possible there. Since our commitment at work does not allow us to spend a lot of time there yet, even a long weekend is a welcome escape and we are tempted to drive up.

I am not a morning person and have always enjoyed sunsets reassuring myself that a sunrise is just the same but a reverse process. The last time we were at Mashobra I happened to open my eyes thinking it was late morning and looked out of my window. The sight that met my eyes was beyond description. The sun was just rising and the colours and aura around was something I had never witnessed before. So much beauty! All the effort I had to make was to just open my eyes. If I can behold this marvel of nature every morning, lying on my bed every morning, I am truly blessed. Now I know the difference between sunset and sunrise. One wakes up with positive vibes and energy and the day follows the same course. A good start is half done! What can be better for the overall well being of an individual?

Now instead of dreading retirement we are looking forward to it with anticipation.

If you get an opportunity to make a dream come true put all your efforts in it to make it happen. Quell your doubts and plunge in, to get the maximum out of your desires. Don’t hesitate and dillydally. Every delay diminishes the realization of your objective.  As Coelho Paulo puts it, ‘When you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.’

                                                            

Midlife Euphoria Day 7

Midlife Euphoria Day 7

Friendship is very valuable all through life but during midlife and subsequent years. Meaningful connections, can reduce the effects of stress, and promote physical and mental health. 

Before midlife one is busy with the demands of a job, family, travel and social obligations related to work .These perks and contacts as we may call them are related to one’s position and will switch priorities once you forsake the chair. One should not look upon them as permanent and display withdrawal symptoms once they cease to exist. I don’t say that all the associations you make will be phony but you should have the perception to go for the genuine ones.

Once you decide on the sincere ones nourish and nurture their friendship and spend time-sharing with them, happenings in your life. Find time for them from your busy schedule as they are important.

How to find people you want as friends?

First and foremost they are people who put a smile on your face and make you feel good.

They have a positive attitude in life and a zest for living.

They also enjoy certain passions and activities that you love. It can be an enthusiasm for sports, spirituality, books, playing cards, cooking, traveling or any other interest.

Children are unpretentious hence associations made during school and college years are very strong and without the complication of status and position. I call them pure friendships. I have connected to a number of friends from school and college recently. The excitement and fervor with which we met was unbelievable. What they did or did not do in the last 30 years when we were out of touch did not matter. We connected as teenagers and picked up from there. They are friends full stop; we do not judge them for their accomplishments and skills. You’ll be surprised how comfortable and happy you feel in their company.

My husband has also got together with a whole lot of school buddies (thanks to the electronic media) after more than three decades. It is fantastic to see these grey haired guys in their fifties and sixties behaving like youngsters. It is amazing how they recount the same adolescent frolics with such joy and hilarity every time at every meeting. They are ticked pink thinking of the same antics repeating them verbatim with one of them adding more spice to it every time. Then they all roar with laughter As a result of these rendezvous’ the wives also meet up and strangely enough we all have connected well with each other. Mostly because it is such a delight to see these so called stiff upper lip guys, off their guard and making complete asses of themselves. I have noticed after every gathering my husband seems more rejuvenated and refreshed.

The same goes for relatives. You meet them during formal family gatherings like weddings, funerals etc. But out of all these some become “friends” and you like to meet them more often. The equation with them changes and they are friends more than relatives because you don’t have to tolerate them but enjoy their company.

My advice to all is that don’t stop yourself from picking up the phone or the directory and connect to a friend/relative who you would like to be part of your life. You will discover that he will be equally eager to renew the relationship.

Midlife Euphoria Day 6

Midlife Euphoria Day 6

Our generation has seen the greatest extent of change a lifetime can witness. We grew from the time when long distance calls were called trunk calls and one had to scream to be heard on the other end. To a casual observer the loud shout would probably reach the listener faster without the encumbrance of the instrument. Since there was only land line connection one stayed at home the whole day after booking the call waiting for it to materialize. You talked for just three minutes and then the operator warned you that your   limit was over. You had to extend the call if you wanted to continue talking. It was considered extravagant to prolong the conversation. To get to someone quickly a lightening call was booked which was the ultimate self-indulgence.

I remember an instance when we used only trunk calls. My elder daughter was in a boarding school. As a rule we were not allowed to call them. Just after her 10^th Std. the school allowed the girls to call their parents once to discuss the choice of subjects for high school. They were assigned 3 minutes each. On the appointed day we kept close to the phone lest we miss the momentous call. Nevertheless to say after the whole day of waiting the crucial call came through. My daughter blurted out “Mama, tell me quickly what subjects I should choose if I want to be a sleuth. Nonplussed, I was trying to figure out an appropriate response when I was thumped by another strange inquiry. What do you think of gemology as a career option?  Not very familiar with these unconventional choices I fumbled, do you mean Germinology? I think you must take up Biology for that.  “No mama I mean Gemology, come on hurry up I have to give my choices first thing in the morning and I am running out of time. Before I could say anything the three minutes were over and the phone got disconnected. So much for the earth-shattering call!

Letter writing and sending greeting cards was customary. Till the girls were in school we received letters regularly from them and were touched by the thoughtful hand made cards they sent us on our birthdays and anniversary.

The other conventional means of communication was the telegram. A telegram more often brought bad news than good. I remember an instance when my great grand mother who was illiterate received a telegram from her son who was working in another town. She looked at the telegram and started wailing loudly. The neighbours got there. She continued to wail waving the telegram. The ominous telegram created an atmosphere of gloom. When my grand dad arrived he was shocked to see the poignant scene. My distressed grand mom ran and handed the telegram to him. With shaking hands he opened the telegram and to everyone’s amazement burst into laughter. He read out the contents aloud, “Found House at B’bay visit soon”.

Written in telegraphic language the message was often misinterpreted. Some classic examples:

TELEGRAM #1
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

TELEGRAM #2
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as: "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

*TELEGRAM #3
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?" The man says, well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom".

Communication has moved on ever since. From booking calls, letter writing, sending greeting cards or telegraphic messages we graduated to Cell phones, Standard Trunk Dialling (STD) and International Subscriber Dialling (ISD). All this is now considered passé.

The generation after us grew up in the digital age.  They use technology to connect with friends in new ways; they text message to communicate and stay in touch with friends. They make friends using technology tools and say it makes it easier to stay in touch with friends and family.

The rise of instant communication technologies made possible through the Internet, have brought us email, texting, and instant messaging (IM) and new media used through websites, You Tube and social networking sites like Facebook,  Myspace, and Twitter.

Our generation has taken cognizance to these changes remarkably. We learnt to use the cell phones, mastered the instant messaging, are using the internet, are on Facebook (to our children’s astonishment), and are grappling with You Tube and Twitter.

The generation before us finds these changes cumbersome while the next generation cannot imagine life without these embellishments. If you don’t want to be tarnished as a fuddy-duddy ageing parent, you must adopt these modern trappings. Not only are they user friendly, they stimulate your mental faculties and keep you in touch with the latest changes around you. The new generation admires you and treats you like an equal. So if you want to be cool, communicate with the younger generations in ways they communicate to their peers. Don’t let age hamper your style. Beat the challenges. They are just a click of a finger away.

Midlife Euphoria Day 5

Midlife Euphoria Day 5

 Visualize, Formulate and redefine the Second Half of Your Life!

Retirement at 58 or now at 60 is a time to reinvent yourself. The best years are not behind but are ahead. Now you have the luxury to do all the things you never had time to do. I know a lot of people who after retirement are occupied in vocations that provide them with satisfaction, mental stimulation and offer financially security. They have learnt to recreate their job or career and discover how to integrate work into their lifestyle.
This does not mean that your previous occupation holds no value. In fact the new career can stem from it. One can be a consultant in one’s field of expertise or use one’s administrative skills in setting up a new establishment or an NGO. If money is not a priority you can give back to society by involving yourself in the numerous social causes that need consideration.
If your calling is towards theatre or the performing arts this is the time to skip into it. Learning to play an instrument can be extremely rewarding and enjoyable. If you are good with words or numbers you can take up solving Soduku (a number puzzle) or cross word puzzles. Learning any skill keeps the brain effective, impeding the onset of Alzheimer's Disease.
Now is the time to seize the midlife moment and make new choices related to health. There is no reason why you cannot take the early morning or late evening walk that you have desired to take regularly, join a gymnasium, sleep early, eat right. In short lead a  life that not only re energizes you but is beneficial anddoes wonders for your health. You have the time and the means at your disposal.

An uncle of ours retired as the Chairman of UNESCO. His life was a whirl of hectic work schedules, travel and social obligations. The family was a bit apprehensive about his retirement particularly since he was a bachelor.
Their concern was unfounded as he surprised us by occupying himself most conscientiously in writing poetry. No one knew about this covert talent of his and probably he himself had never had the time or opportunity to explore this facet of his persona. He ended up publishing several books.
He never stopped amazing us. At age 70 he tried his tryst with the paint brush and before we knew he was painting canvasses. Earlier it was meant as a hobby and he would generously gift his paintings to family and friends. But he worked at his new found flair and held successful exhibitions in the art circle.

Keeping his example in mind one can say retirement is an opportunity for a new, exciting chapter in life rather than a time to rest and relax. A lot of people say they would like to work in an entirely different field in retirement but lack the conviction or drive to take it forward. One should be optimistic about the future, making positive changes for themselves and the world around them.

Midlife Euphoria Day 4

Midlife Euphoria Day 4.

Half truth: Middle-aged adults often show visible signs of aging such as decrease of flexibility and  physical fitness, with a 5–10 kg (10-20 lb) accumulation of body fat,  along with loss of skin elasticity and graying of the hair.
Reality: It is obvious as you grow older there would be changes, not only physical but physiological and psychological in nature too. Life is not static.  No big fuss is made when we see the flexibility of our limbs and the pallor of our skin changing in the early years from childhood to teens. Children can contort themselves into the most difficult yogic poses while the same gets more and more difficult as you grow. The baby soft skin starts to lose its silky-smoothness much before midlife.
You will never see babies over eat even if you place the choicest cuisines in front of them. As we grow we develop a penchant for exotic food, that is marketed so ingeniously now a days to astray us from the balanced track of healthful intake. Long term effects of this unhealthful lifestyle come into sight during midlife.
On the other hand there are people who show evidence of superb bodies as late as seventies and eighties. If you follow an apt regime and discipline your life style there is no reason why you will show rigidity and extra flab in other than normal developing changes. Let us face it, how many of us follow a routine until administered strictly by a doctor. By then a lot of damage has already been set off and we can just about implement damage control.
The baby soft skin starts to lose its silky-smoothness much before midlife. To a large extend we are responsible for some of these changes. The loss of skin elasticity is also the result of subjecting it to harsh chemicals, exposing it to the ultra violet rays of the sun, the effect of dust and pollution in the atmosphere. The long term effect of these will definitely show up and the longer the exposure more ruthless will be the consequences.  To blame only midlife to this would be unreasonable.
Graying of hair is also a universal phenomenon. However, in recent years a lot of people in their thirties and as early as their late twenties, have reported the onset of grey hair. This information has been furnished by interacting with the beauty parlours that are mushrooming in every nook and corner, every where in the world. The graying of the hair is attributed to stress, pollution, diet changes and the use of chemicals. However with modern beauty products not only can you reverse this, you are able to choose an alluring hue for your crowning glory that may enhances your looks and personality.
Let us not make midlife a scapegoat for personal negligence!!!

Midlife Euphoria Day 3

Midlife is almost synonymous with midlife crisis. This chapter of life is looked upon with trepidation and dread rather than hope and buoyancy as I would expect. I will further elucidate why I feel so.  

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques and used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" or middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as extramarital affairs, andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home.

Let me give a good raison d'être for each of the above dilemmas.

Extramarital affairs can occur anytime in one’s life and to restrict them only to this period is unfair. In fact being worldly wise one is equipped to handle the crisis with sophisticated acumen.

Andropause and menopause are psychologically triggered. Your approach ascertains how you undergo this transition. In my case I underwent a surgical menopause and was simply elated to be rid of the 3-4 days of uneasiness as the menstruation cycle is over and you can swim, exercise, party wear white clothes (one avoids whites during the 3 day period for fear of stains)  with gay abandon 24x7. Similarly andropause for men does not reduce sex drive. One indulges in foreplay and many other intimate rituals which were missing earlier, bringing the two people nearer. The relationship takes a leap as one is more considerate, gentle, passionate and understanding of each other’s desires.

The death of a parent is always painful and to state that it is more devastating during midlife is again unwarranted. On the contrary one has more amenities in terms of time, finances and disposition to support the surviving parent during midlife. Before that one is caught up, struggling with a budding job, growing children and dealing with the pains of growing and nurturing relationships. Your all time regret would be that you could not be there for your surviving parent.

Unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living is a thing of the past. There are so many avenues open nowadays. From working in an office to working more productively from home, self enterprise to out sourcing everything is possible. You can earn without spending a penny by using yourself as a resource as a  consultant provide expertise to establish an enterprises etc. Very few people stick to a job as dead wood if it is going nowhere. Depending on your capability there are numerous vocations that can keep you suitably occupied and also give financial security. It is a recent development that one witnesses bored housewives engaged in activities they are proficient in like baking, cooking with a frevour difficult to fathom. Now they conduct these chores as a profession at their own comfort. Not only are they appreciated by their spouses and the family at large they end up making a good pay packet for themselves. A catalyst to this is more confidence and pleasure which transforms the home ambiance to further cheerfulness. In this day and age I don’t know of anyone who has the drive, ambition, credentials and a hunger to work and yet is sitting at home lamenting his bad fortune.

Midlife Euphoria Day 2

Midlife Euphoria Day 2

Very often you may have noticed a 5 year old girl trying to balance on her mom’s high heels or a boy trying to fit into his father’s shoes. A self-doubting thirteen year will undoubtedly proclaim to be fifteen if you happen to come across one. They want to dress, behave and appear older than their age. They are in a hurry to grow up

This equation changes dramatically when you are approaching your 30’s. Time seems to have flown yet you feel like you are still 20. Approaching 30’s is like the first step towards old age. You may notice the first white hair on your head, the hint of a wrinkle around your eyes or an extra tyre on your waist. The realization coupled with your 30t birthday can really be devastating. On the other hand since I have gone through this period let me assure you all these transformations are easily reversible physically, or with the help of avant-garde beauty aids. However this is the most difficult rite of passage

I remember a conversation once my 19 year old daughter was having with her friend. They were discussing a teacher, referring to her “as that old one”. I overheard the conversation and just out of curiosity asked how old was the person in question. They looked at each other and said about 30 or so. I was shocked 30 and old! Are they kidding? I was then 40 plus and felt young, energetic and far from “old”. Perception of age is therefore very relative.

Forties is a mile stone when you are neither the gawky teenager, nor the arbitrator trying to figure out the nuances of life and relationships. You are in possession of profuse confidence which stems from perceptiveness of your inner supremacy and vulnerability. This is the time to cherish and enjoy the outcome of the hard work that you have invested in your career, marriage, friendship or any other relationship that you have nurtured for years. You have, or are about to reach the pinnacle of your career, are accepted with all your imperfection and idiosyncrasies or else you have figured out how to handle populace who fail to recognize you for the person you are. You have a bevy of associates but you can unmistakably distinguish mere acquaintances from close friends. You undoubtedly know who to approach  in times of stress and  catastrophe. On my 40th birthday I was very touched when my brother presented me with a plaque that proclaimed, “Life begins at forty.” I loved it.  All my apprehensions on turning 40 disappeared.

At fifty plus I am thrilled when some one tells me I look younger and I take great pride in correcting them to reveal my exact age. At fifty I felt that  "Life begins at 50". I hope I feel the same at age 60.

Midlife Euphoria

Midlife Euphoria  Day 1

Growing up is fun, period.

Existence can be divided into distinct phases. Each stride rolls up with inimitable features characteristic of that point in time. One can by and large generalize the attributes of all divisions; nevertheless there are exceptions to the rule and individual divergences.

The broad categories that lifetime can be separated into are Infancy from  birth to two years, Childhood from age two to twelve, Adolescence up to 18 years and Adulthood until one dies. However I would like to sub divide this last genre further into midlife and finally old age.
Middle age is the period of age beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age. Various attempts have been made to define this age, which is around the third quarter of the average life span of human beings.
According to Collins Dictionary, this is "... usually considered to occur approximately between the ages of 40 and 60".
The Oxford English Dictionary gives a similar definition but with a later start point "... the period between youth and old age, about 45 to 60

In my experience I have witnessed a large number of people who flout this rule and even past 60’s,70’s and as late as 80’s lead their lives as they did between the considered midlife span. This grouping is in my opinion without any definite age specifications and depends upon how you feel and how you put your life priorities on the right track. This is therefore an elastic cycle where the stretch and extension depends on the individual.