In normal circumstances this is no major feat. If you have a job, you have a planned future; you have invested well and have a neat amount tucked away for a rainy day. But in their case the misfortune that accompanied the parting with the spouse was a blow out of the blue.
Meera (name changed) struggled for a couple of years trying to salvage a dying husband who was slipping away due to illness and bad health. She took him to USA
She had no time to mourn as compelling demands from all around kept her on her toes. Once a woman of leisure she had to start a career from scratch. She ventured from one enterprise to another, working for a travel agency, setting up a beauty parlour, running a taxi service, being employed in the hospitality industry to name a few. She had her ups and downs. She learnt the ways of the world by actually handling and dealing with challenging situations. Not only did it make her strong-willed but an excellent arbitrator of human nature.
Now in her sixties she is a woman to be reckoned with. Her two children are well educated, married and suitably settled in their respective professions.
She has made a niche for herself as a woman of substance. She has kept herself looking like a million dollars by exercising and yoga. In her mid fifties she took up Classical dancing as an experiment and declared that she would perform on stage. Sure enough she mesmerized everyone with an almost impeccable dance performance on her 60th birthday.
She took up horse riding in a big way and now travels at least three times a year around the world with her equestrian friends. While in town she has a small group of friends with whom she plays golf. It started off as a social routine but over the years, golf has become a passion and their game has improved considerably. She never stops to amaze us. A couple of years back she was engrossed in learning French. Her enthusiasm is almost childlike. Her explanation is that an active and healthy mind manages to keep one in good physical shape. And it rings so true in her case.
She has a rocking social life. She entertains single men without a qualm, serves drinks to her friends, travels as and when she desires. These are things she could not dream to do when she was 30 plus. Midlife has given her the confidence, poise and a permit to do what she wants, maintaining her dignity and respect. No one can take advantage of her vulnerability and her single status. Three cheers to midlife.
My second friend married into the royal family when she was very young. Before she knew she had two girls. Keeping herself busy with the family obligations she did not realize when her husband went astray. There were long separations and the final straw came when he declared he was going to remarry. She was completely shattered. Being in the traditional set up she continued to stay with her in-laws but felt worthless as she was not trained to pursue any kind of professional career. Also it was almost blasphemous for her wealthy in-laws to even imagine her to work outside the house. She was at a complete loss. The home did not require her to carry out the mundane household chores and as the girls grew she had plenty of time on hand. Being active socially would seem in appropriate for a single woman in that society and working was next to impossible.
Being a compassionate person she had to choose to do something that would gratify her and not upset the family unit. After a lot of deliberation she decided to train herself formally to handle disabled children. The motive became a passion and she immersed herself in the cause of the hearing impaired. Since funds were not a problem and this activity seemed like social work her family supported her wholeheartedly. She set up the first formal school for the hearing impaired in her city. She worked day and night, finding the right staff, promoting the school, providing latest facilities, incorporating latest technology to raise the bar, imparting meaningful education and then finally reinstating her beneficiaries in the main stream of life by arranging jobs for them.
Mind you all this was carried out conforming to the traditional family framework, and handling growing pains of two teenage girls for whom she was both the mother and the father figure.
Now in her midlife she is enjoying the fruit of her labour. Her school has been given international recognition and her family is proud of her achievement. Her two lovely daughters hold her in high esteem and she is no longer a person who invokes pity.
Because her efforts have gained international claim she travels extensively, entertains lavishly and enjoys life as much as she enjoys her work. She has her own set of rules to govern her life which are not questioned by anyone. She has proved to be something more than an object of pity achieving more than many within the parameters of the family norms.
Now in her midlife she is truly a woman one would like to emulate.
My third friend is also truly a woman of substance. Working with the government she moved from place to place. Because of the nature of work her personal life suffered. In her case instead of distance making the heart go fonder, the reverse happened. She kept moving away physically and mentally from her spouse while bringing up the children single-handedly. Work was important and dealing with her male counterparts in the government was not easy especially as she was a single woman by choice. She bore all hardships and with her consistent good work gained the respect of her colleagues and superiors.
Why is it that an ambitious man is respected for his determination to do extremely well, but a capable woman is scorned for the same reason?
My friend chose to lead life at her own terms. She retired recently at the top of her career. She has financial security, love and respect of her family, children who look up to her and a circle of friends who enrich her life. The struggle of the previous years is over. Now in her midlife she is having the best time of her life. Because she has always been active she started a NGO recently for the welfare of women who have been abandoned by their families and have no means to survive. Already the good work done by like minded women spearheaded by her are showing results. Her experience and understanding makes her an excellent administrator for an organization like this. According to her it is time to give back to society, working at your own pace, with your own rules within the authorized parameters.
What charmed lives live my three friends! They are an inspiration to all.
Age, success and the experience in dealing with hardships has given them the confidence to hold their head high above their shoulders.
Their upbeat attitude makes them the most sought out personalities. They exude positivity. They are smart, well traveled, intelligent, fun to be with, non interfering, pleasantly occupied and financially secure.
In short they are women of substance, in their midlife, living life to the hilt, without a care in the world.
Isn’t that enchanting?
