Motivating Children
Published in the July issue of Suburb Magazine
Motivation is a little push to make one achieve what one wants, a little incentive in the form of an embrace or a pat on the back. A simple gesture like any of the above can drive children to stretch to their optimal potential and achieve desired goals.
Indian culture is predisposed to notice misbehaviour more than positive actions. “No” and don’t” are words we use far more often with our children than any other. The doctrines of child psychology say that if you ignore negative behaviour and give attention to suitable behaviour, the negative behaviour will gradually disappear. It is much simpler to ignore an amicable little tot engrossed in his pursuits than a little monster with ear-piercing screams. However, if we pay no attention to the abominable behaviour it will cease. This is of course, easier said than done.
Western culture propagates an almost reverse trend. The child is encouraged and scolded far less, and appreciated and applauded far more. This inculcates a positive self-esteem in the child. Every admonishment is accompanied by a justification. Yet, abundant lenience may also be at fault.
Every culture has its own stereotypes, which take a long time to shrug off. In recent years, one has noticed a visible shift from punitive to liberal while dealing with children. Young children today are brighter and more informed yet more self-centred, materialistic, and audacious than their counterparts a generation before. It is difficult to say what the reasons for that are. Only time will reveal the long-term merits or demerits of these fluctuating trends.
What is the right balance? Amy Chua in her book “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” has resolved this dilemma very appropriately. According to her, the traditional Asian concept of punitive upbringing is as detrimental as the western philosophy of leaving the child to chalk out his/her own way of life. According to Chua, we need to push our children in order that they reach their maximum potential. Practice makes perfect, and there are no shortcuts to success. Only hard work can fulfil one’s aspirations. For the same, it is imperative to motivate children.
Important points to keep in mind:
1. Set realistic goals. The child should be physically and mentally capable of attaining the set goal.
2. The remuneration offered should be in proportion with the difficulty level of the objective.
3. Reward the desired behaviour immediately after it is achieved. Delayed incentives can confuse the child as he/she may think that the action just before the prize was given is being acknowledged.
4. Once the desired behaviour has been learnt, accolades should be given every now and then. This way, the child will continue to perform well, as he/she will not know when the goodies are coming!
5. After a certain kind of behaviour has been established, you could stop recompensing and set up new challenges for the child. The desired behaviour will have become a habit by then and will be self-motivating.
6. If you do not have ready gifts to dole out, use tokens which can later be exchanged for awards. I had colourful buttons that I would present to the kids immediately after they would display some satisfactory behaviour. Later, I would compensate them from a predefined list of goodies depending on the number of brownie points earned.
The list went something like this:
Weekly tasks Buttons earned Reward
1. Putting shoes on the rack 3 Banana milkshake
2. Finishing homework for the week 5 Ice cream
3. Morning and evening greeting 2 Reading a favourite bedtime story
4. Keeping books and clothes in place 4 Watching TV for an extra half hour
5. Helping a sibling with tasks 6 Buying a book of choice
You can make a list keeping your child’s preferences in mind.
Finally, never confuse rewards with bribes, as the latter is always more beneficial for the benefactor while the former is more advantageous to the beneficiary.
Q: My son Nikhil is 6 years old and still wets his bed at night. What should I do?
A: This is quite normal. Do not make him feel anxious about it, or scold/humiliate him in front of friends. Ensure that he does not consume any liquids before he sleeps, and make sure he goes to the toilet before going to bed. Also, make him go to the toilet once during the night. Once he starts enjoying the comfort of sleeping on a dry bed, it will become a habit. The routine is in itself self-motivating. In case things do not change for the better, it is advisable to consult a doctor.
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