Midlife Euphoria Day 49: Gliding into Senior Hood

Writing about this topic may freak out a few but I passionately believe we need to be prepared and skilled to face the inevitable fate of all …… senior life. With age, bones tend to shrink in size, weakening them and making them more susceptible to fractures. Muscles lose strength, endurance and flexibility – factors that can affect your coordination, stability and balance. What do we envisage when we think of old age? Wheelchairs, walkers, walking sticks, hearing aids, inflexibility, speech distortion, lower mental ability. Sounds dreadful but it is a reality that we must face.

Having said this, I have met remarkable veterans who are leading quality lives in their eighties. They can function normally, though a little gently, have worthy friends and continue to enjoy a game of cards, golf, social gatherings, concerts and parties. What sets them apart from the ones who are struggling for day-to-day existence? Well, the kind of malady one is facing is an especially crucial factor no doubt, but how you approach these looming years is also of great consequence.

Of late, I have witnessed quite a few old people having falls and then never being able to recover from them and move on. Most of these people were dynamic, inspirational and spirited, people I looked up to. To see them deteriorate so rapidly after a mere fall is heartbreaking. When you give up on one function of your body, it goes into a decline and gradually downswings other operations.

My father was one such person. He was my hero, ideal and mentor. A fitness freak, he played tennis, was an ace swimmer and then turned to yoga. But in his senior years all he could do was walk. After the age of eighty, he started losing his balance a bit. I asked him to use a walking stick. He got truly angry and retorted, “Why, have I become so old that I need a stick?” I told him that he was old, and needed a walking stick. He would not hear about it. I got him a swanky walking stick and implored him to use it as it would function as a third leg in times of need and prevent a fall. He was intelligent enough (a topper in engineering from Roorkee University, which has the status of an IIT now) to understand the importance of three legs versus two but refused to use it. I tried teaching him to use one, but it was awkward for him. He carried a stick with him but held it in his armpit. It was more of a deterrent than help. His decline started with a fall, which led him to being confined indoors and slowly giving up all other functions. It made me extremely sad to see a brilliant, spirited person reduced to nothing.

On the other hand, I once saw a middle-aged man almost running with a walker. I looked at him in wonder. I followed him, and when he stopped asked him how he could be so skillful in operating the walker despite his plastered leg. According to him, it was all a matter of practice. If my father had mastered the technique at a younger age, he may not have had any difficulty using a walker or walking stick when he really needed to.

Inspired by this example, I started practicing using a walking stick in my sixties. It was knotty to say the least. One had to keep the length of the walking stick to one’s optimal height. While going uphill, one had to bend a bit, pressing down with the stick; and the technique was different while going uphill. Someone saw me use a stick and laughed asking why I was using one. My proud retort was to learn how to use it without a hassle when I need it. Now even though I do not need to use a stick, I carry one. It is helpful on rough terrain and effective when going uphill and downhill. It is also useful to keep stray dogs away. Most importantly, I have lost my inhibition to be seen with a walking stick.

I seriously feel that at the age of sixty, we should all induct ourselves into an orientation to get a feel of some these basic appliances that we may need to use later in life. Nowadays there are extremely sophisticated walkers with wheels, and you can virtually run once you have mastered the procedure. Similarly, wheelchairs are so user-friendly that you may never feel handicapped. Walking sticks come in various shapes and sizes. There are the three-pronged ones which can stand on their own. You can get ones with a seat on which you can rest when tired. Moreover, a smart walking stick carried with a panache can be a style icon.

The counter argument to this view is why we can’t learn this when required. My understanding and what I have observed in the past is that when the misfortune occurs, one is completely engrossed in dealing with the shock, pain, medicines, dressings and physician visits. So much so that one cannot concentrate on mastering the most important element to elevate one’s mindset and make one feel as near normal as possible. Everything seems like an effort, and learning a new skill becomes agonizing. One tries, and tends to give up easily because of lack of motivation and a shattered spirit. Well-wishers appeal to you to try but you pay no heed. Your temperament may become disagreeable, and sympathizers gradually surrender. On the other hand, if one has been introduced to the appliance at an earlier stage, it would be much easier to embrace it.

The same goes for hearing aids. I have seen many elders complain about the discomfort of their use. The very thought of wearing one is putting off. But now there are very efficient and sleek looking machines that are not even visible, yet amazingly effective. Similarly, if one has been introduced to them well before their need, one would be far more consenting.

When mobility becomes particularly challenging, one should cultivate a few sedentary interests too, since people live long lives these days. Recently, I was lying in bed for five days due to an acute backache. In a state of agony, I thought I would be bored stiff. On the contrary, I was joyfully preoccupied. I watched television, thanks to OTT platforms, played online bridge, which is a passion, played online Scrabble, attended to emails and entertained myself with Instagram and WhatsApp without any guilt and ridicule from my family. It was a win-win situation.

A sobering thought. I feel I can slip into old age quite easily.