In the last five years, we have participated in several 70th birthday celebrations in exotic locales, attended by 60–80-year-olds. Looking at their continual appetite for entertainment and excitement, the protagonists could easily pass off as a 50+ year old adults. The coveted venues in India are Goa, exclusive forts in Rajasthan, some exclusive hotel properties in Agra, Udaipur, Jaipur and Jaisalmer. Some prefer wildlife sanctuaries and some out of the way places which offer great experiences. Cruises and Thailand are some more exhilarating ways to bring in the septuagenarian celebration.
One common thread that ran through all the soirees was the “I don’t care” outlook. It made you take a chill pill, and just go with the flow. In one such do, you were expected to sport your classy swimwear to check in at the hotel. Who cares about your uncomplimentary midlife bulges? Believe it or not, nobody but you, yourself! In another one, we had to wear our LBD (little black dress) to honour the function. Who cares about varicose veins, bowlegs, fat thighs or skinny legs? It was giggles and laughs all the way. Another interesting theme was the look of Bollywood’s yesteryears’ dancing queen …. “the Helen look”. Though we were a wee bit perplexed at the invite, it was a great hit. People think out of the box. Ladies wore feathers, caps, made long slits in their dresses, wore dazzling makeup. Guys automatically adorned the villainous/lovesick/funambulist look with pointed mustaches, cowboy caps and cigar in the works. Love the spirit of the neo-70+ midlifers!
Now it was time to bring in my dear husband, Sanjay’s, 70th birthday. I had to plan. The month is December. It’s cold, so no sexy beach wear, no LBDs with long slits! My ingenuity was confronted. First the venue had to be established. Intimidating! We narrowed down to a far-flung remote hunting lodge at the foothills of the Himalayas. A very charming venue, no doubt, but a bit daunting to arrive at. A 7–8-hour long road journey from Delhi/Jaipur or a flight with a 2-hour road run. Well, we knew our dear fun-loving friends (most of them septuagenarians too) would pull through to be with us on this significant celebration. And sure enough, they were jubilant and all set to embark on the adventure with us.
We were a little apprehensive as this was almost the first big event we were undertaking post Covid. Since the place is out of the way, access to sound medical care is limited. All our guests, including ourselves, were post the conventional midlife age. Regardless of these worrying glitches, our guests were gung-ho. No one blinked an eyelid before giving the go-ahead. Some have persistent heart ailments, BP, diabetics, arthritis, knee issues and other conditions that are a part and parcel of people on the wrong side of the 60s and 70s. But their indomitable spirit is commendable.
With the invites and guest list in place, we had to come up with an interesting theme to get the mood rolling. Keeping the weather conditions in mind, we named one of the evenings ‘The Mad Hatter Party’ and one ‘The Black and Red Dinner’. Everything moved according to plan. Our guests arrived, and we ended up having the most enjoyable three nights.
The Mad Hatter Party was a great hit. We had a bonfire, and everyone was warmly clad, but the headgears were the icing on the cake. Despite the distance/flights, everyone made a special effort to think out of the box and come up with very creative headgear. I admire their exuberant disposition.
Nonetheless, The Red and Black Evening went off seamlessly with everyone participating wholeheartedly. This was simple, as combining black and red is not rocket science. However, each had taken pains to find/buy appropriate clothes to battle the cold.
Our granddaughter, who was just four and a half years old, was also part of the get-together along with our daughter and son in law. They were obviously the youngest in the group. We were so worried about the little one, and were carrying a mini dispensary with us in case she catches a cold, tummy upset, nausea, fall or any other kind of eventuality. I realized that at our glorious post midlife age, we are solely responsible for ourselves and feel we can handle it. But younger ones must worry about their little ones and their unexpected predicaments. What a blessing to be free from these shackles!
We danced outdoors till the wee hours of the morning in temperatures of 2 degrees centigrade, ate food late and had a couple of extra drinks. This was the first evening. We had two more nights to go! The next morning, everyone was bright eyed and up for breakfast as per the schedule. We had a safari organized and a jungle walk. Everyone was up for all the fun. The next night also saw the same vivacity as the previous one. As you would have thought, everyone remained fit as a fiddle. My take from this experience is that getting away from your vigilant routine life and taking some liberties is a tonic for your system.
We all have some food restrictions enforced medically or in most cases, self-imposed – not eating fried/junk food, limiting cereals, not pampering one’s palette with sweets, etc. My contention is that pampering your insides once in a way by munching through prohibited fare is like giving your system a hearty and happy workout. The famous saying ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ is pertinent for our digestive, cognitive, respiratory, muscular, sensory and cardio system. We need to shake it up sometimes and let it bend backwards to accommodate the diversion. That way it will remain on its toes to deal with the commotion if/when it occurs. Also dancing without a care, even with your pains and aches makes you forget them. The next day, you marvel at your own power. Undertaking such a lifestyle everyday may be detrimental to our health, but a transgression from the normal should always be welcomed with open arms.
My advice to all midlifers is to grab all opportunities to be with your loved ones, celebrate each day and enjoy every moment. Our clock is ticking. No point in brooding and stressing over what was. Let caution be thrown out of the window once in a way. Live in the present and participate in delightful experiences. These beautiful moments become memories which can put a smile on your face in times which may not be as agreeable. After all, someone rightly said that old age is a privilege not everyone gets to experience. I was once asked how I felt as I was getting old. I’d like to answer that with a forward I received from a dear friend:
Good friends and family are like quilts – they age with you, yet never lose their warmth. We have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon: before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read or play on the computer until $ AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s and if, I at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swimsuit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And eventually, I remember the important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think…I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel it).
May our relationship never come apart, especially when it’s straight from the heart.
Very fun! The spirit of all those of your generation is indeed admirable! Keep it up :)
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