Midlife Euphoria Day 29

Birth of a “Tiger Mom”

I never thought I would be writing this piece in Midlife Euphoria but here I am. My younger daughter had a baby girl eight months ago. All through her pregnancy, she was completely wrapped around her own physiological, emotional and biological changes, configuring each stage with a neurosurgeon’s precision. From drinking liquids, to giving up tea, coffee, exercising every day, popping vitamins and mineral pills without fail and hearing Mozart to calm frayed nerves—nothing was left out. We were all very impressed by her commitment but I could not ascertain any mommy-to-be intentions in her enthusiasm.

On mentioning it casually once, she remarked indifferently that this emergence of maternal instinct was a hype created by ridiculous mushy mothers who have nothing better to do. I smiled in my wisdom as before we became mothers, similar thoughts may have reined in our minds. In fact at my place of work, the new moms would discuss every lopsided smile, hiccup, throw up, poop (sic) of their bundle of joy with great ecstasy—much to our (the non-moms’) disgust.

But let a baby into your life … everything changes and the world revolves around that 6-pound, 20-inch or so piece of humanity that is placed in your arms. Inadvertently, I joined the mommy club once my daughter was born. It dawned upon me the day I got wrapped around an hour long discussion on the colour of my daughter’s poop (yuck!) with another fretful mom. A mom had arrived!

My daughter had her baby through a C-section. When the baby was placed in her arms, she showed little signs of elation. She was more concerned about the doctor’s guidelines about her health. One thing that stayed with her was that she must not pick up weight. Till she was recovering her own strength, she seemed pretty indifferent towards the baby. It was mostly me and her mother-in-law who were playing the surrogate mother, especially while in the hospital. Once at home when she was up and about, I remember telling her to pick up the baby. She snapped at me saying that the doctor had clearly said that she should not pick up weight. A baby’s weight is no weight. But to keep her humoured, I would pick up the baby and place her in her arms. A few days later, we were leaving the house for an hour or so to finish some mundane work. I was amazed at her reaction. She said, “You can’t leave me alone with her,” pointing to the baby.

But a slow transformation was taking place. She would be conscious of the baby’s every whimper, would worry if she slept or cried too much. Immediately, she was on a Mommy’s group on WhatsApp exchanging every small detail of consequence … like the colour of the poop, burps, hiccups, etc.

My elder daughter who has two boys aged 3 and 6 was her role model. Every information was sifted through her. She is a hands-on mom and has brought up the kids mostly on her own except for the first few months of help from parents, as she lives in the US with her husband.

Besides her, there were many other mentors for this mom. There was Google, Baby Center, YouTube, books. We made mistakes and learnt from them the hard way. But this generation doesn’t want to make mistakes. They have multiple channels of information guiding them step by step.

Yet, this new generation does not put down the grandma’s tested remedies to soothe the baby either. They listen patiently to parents and in-laws and let them try out age-old home cures like rubbing asafoetida on the stomach to relieve colic. Anything that brings relief to the baby is welcome as long as it in non-invasive and harmless.

Over the months, this cool mom started metamorphosing. She set up a conditioning routine for sleep time which consisted of reading a couple of books, singing a few songs and then playing soft Mozart which would enable her baby to sleep well. She learnt to swaddle, bathe and massage the baby like an expert.

She would take the baby away saying it’s her sleep time when she seemed happy playing around. Baby Center said that babies need a nap every two hours. We would protest but each time she would manage to put her down even though it was for 40 minutes. It seems that brain development is fastest when the baby sleeps. Babies must sleep for 14–16 hours. She ensured all was as per the book.

In retrospect, thanks to my elder daughter’s advice, the little baby is in bed latest by 7 pm leaving the grownups to have a sane conversation and a leisurely dinner—and also allowing the young parents to paint the town red in the evenings whenever required. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

Since my daughter is a freelancer, she works from home in her bedroom next to the baby. She is busy on her computer and at the slightest sign of discomfort from the baby, she is besides her comforting her. The baby is stress-free as the mother is always around and the mother is happy as she gets her work done and can keep a hawk’s eye on the kid. A few times, she had to travel but she made it clear that she would be bringing her infant along. She has managed a flight and a train ride when the baby was just a few months old and a even couple of car journeys.

She refused to keep a birthing nurse, which is a norm many moms follow in urban Delhi. She likes to be a hands-on mom ensuring the best hygiene without being overly fastidious, as a bit of immunity has to be built. She has turned into quite a supermom.

The final test came when we took a short holiday to Sariska, a tiger reserve on the outskirts of Delhi. It is about three hours’ drive from where we live. We were four adults and an eight month old baby in the car. However, most of the car was filled with the baby’s baggage—her pram, her harness, baby bag, diaper bag, clothes bag, blankets and food bag. She was great all through the drive. When we reached our destination, ironically named Tiger’s Den, she was napping on my daughter’s lap. My daughter said that she would continue to sit with her for a while in the car while we take out the luggage and check in. My husband opened the windows so that fresh air could come in.

Before we could say Jack Robinson, a monkey jumped into the car where my daughter and baby were. My daughter’s first reaction was to turn her back towards the monkey to shield the baby and then jump out of the car with a piercing shriek. The monkey got terrified by the "tiger roar" and promptly jumped out of the car window. It was the scariest thing I have witnessed in a while. All was well, and that was when I realized that my daughter’s metamorphosis from a carefree young girl to a vigilant mom was complete—and that too, a tiger mom who would not leave any stone unturned to shield and protect her cub from any danger or stranger.