Midlife Euphoria Day 15

Midlife Euphoria Day 15

One of the most euphoric times in your life is when your child is to be married. Biologically it is only possible sometime during your midlife.

I was a couple of years short of fifty, when my daughter got married.

Arranging a wedding is one of the most tedious and elaborate events that you can imagine. I am sure if I was younger, I would not have been able to rise to the occasion as I did and if I was older I would have collapsed with the strain.

A younger person would surely have more energy but would lack the sensitivity to handle fragile relationships that need to be handled tactfully especially during weddings. Similarly a much older person would be solicitous no doubt but could be short of adequate energy, which let me tell you, is of great consequence.

Therefore to organize a massive event like an Indian wedding you need the wisdom of the older generation and effervesce of the youth. Your being in midlife helps as your communication channels are less cloudy, on either side, in terms of a generation gap.

So far you have been juggling relationships from a girl/boy to a wife/husband, brother/sister, mother/father, daughter- in- law/son-in-law, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew or a cousin. But now you are going to be the dreaded mother- in- law/father-in-law (MIL/FIL).

You get nightmares thinking about all the jokes that you have heard about in- laws/out- laws. You have to embrace a whole set of people in your life once again as in-laws not your own but your daughter’s or son’s. This is a whole lot harder as you are supposedly older and wiser and your children also look up to you to carry out the whole thing with suave élan.

When the initial excitement after the announcement of the wedding is over, what follows is bouts of apprehension which may be accompanied by insomnia. When you sit down to make a list of “things to do” you are panic stricken and wish your child had decided to elope instead. However after the first few days the enormity of the responsibility tends to sink in and here I must say the wisdom of years takes over. I sincerely think when God created the world he looked into all these minor details to make sure all the systems that he fashioned are workable. That is precisely the reason; the responsibility of marrying children comes to you when you are in your midlife.

I judiciously made lists and organized myself well to ensure that the marriage ceremonies move according to the plan. I must admit the best ideas would come to me late at night and I would promptly forget them in the morning, till to my husbands chagrin, I became wise and started jotting down my pearls of wisdom in a note book kept next to my bed.

Suddenly a whole lot of advice pours into your lap about, venues, menus, events, guest lists, presents, clothes, rituals, printing of cards, decorations, event managers and so on. Each recommendation seems sincere and worthy. After some time instead of being thankful you are thoroughly confused. Again with the wisdom of years you sift the suggestions and evolve your own approach which suits your circumstances and pocket, without offending anyone because you need the support of the family and friends to accomplish a successful wedding ceremony.

After a while you realize that your organizational abilities have really improved. It is like a crash course in MBA (Masters in  Business Administration ) Your mind becomes alert, you pull off a lot more than expected without ruffling a lot of  feathers.

When the meticulously planned action unfolds you are amazed at the ease with which one occasion follows the next moving on oiled wheels. Your managerial skills are honed and perform to its zenith.

After this triumph you become an honorary wedding planner for all and sundry and mind you, you enjoy the role as you have been there and it is nice to be on the other side.

There is a famous saying in Hindi, “ Bal safed  dhoop mein nahi huea hai”- implying that the grey in your hair is not because of the sun but the vast wisdom that life occurrences have conferred upon you.

Here is an upside to the silver in your hair.