Midlife Euphoria Day 15

Midlife Euphoria Day 15

One of the most euphoric times in your life is when your child is to be married. Biologically it is only possible sometime during your midlife.

I was a couple of years short of fifty, when my daughter got married.

Arranging a wedding is one of the most tedious and elaborate events that you can imagine. I am sure if I was younger, I would not have been able to rise to the occasion as I did and if I was older I would have collapsed with the strain.

A younger person would surely have more energy but would lack the sensitivity to handle fragile relationships that need to be handled tactfully especially during weddings. Similarly a much older person would be solicitous no doubt but could be short of adequate energy, which let me tell you, is of great consequence.

Therefore to organize a massive event like an Indian wedding you need the wisdom of the older generation and effervesce of the youth. Your being in midlife helps as your communication channels are less cloudy, on either side, in terms of a generation gap.

So far you have been juggling relationships from a girl/boy to a wife/husband, brother/sister, mother/father, daughter- in- law/son-in-law, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew or a cousin. But now you are going to be the dreaded mother- in- law/father-in-law (MIL/FIL).

You get nightmares thinking about all the jokes that you have heard about in- laws/out- laws. You have to embrace a whole set of people in your life once again as in-laws not your own but your daughter’s or son’s. This is a whole lot harder as you are supposedly older and wiser and your children also look up to you to carry out the whole thing with suave élan.

When the initial excitement after the announcement of the wedding is over, what follows is bouts of apprehension which may be accompanied by insomnia. When you sit down to make a list of “things to do” you are panic stricken and wish your child had decided to elope instead. However after the first few days the enormity of the responsibility tends to sink in and here I must say the wisdom of years takes over. I sincerely think when God created the world he looked into all these minor details to make sure all the systems that he fashioned are workable. That is precisely the reason; the responsibility of marrying children comes to you when you are in your midlife.

I judiciously made lists and organized myself well to ensure that the marriage ceremonies move according to the plan. I must admit the best ideas would come to me late at night and I would promptly forget them in the morning, till to my husbands chagrin, I became wise and started jotting down my pearls of wisdom in a note book kept next to my bed.

Suddenly a whole lot of advice pours into your lap about, venues, menus, events, guest lists, presents, clothes, rituals, printing of cards, decorations, event managers and so on. Each recommendation seems sincere and worthy. After some time instead of being thankful you are thoroughly confused. Again with the wisdom of years you sift the suggestions and evolve your own approach which suits your circumstances and pocket, without offending anyone because you need the support of the family and friends to accomplish a successful wedding ceremony.

After a while you realize that your organizational abilities have really improved. It is like a crash course in MBA (Masters in  Business Administration ) Your mind becomes alert, you pull off a lot more than expected without ruffling a lot of  feathers.

When the meticulously planned action unfolds you are amazed at the ease with which one occasion follows the next moving on oiled wheels. Your managerial skills are honed and perform to its zenith.

After this triumph you become an honorary wedding planner for all and sundry and mind you, you enjoy the role as you have been there and it is nice to be on the other side.

There is a famous saying in Hindi, “ Bal safed  dhoop mein nahi huea hai”- implying that the grey in your hair is not because of the sun but the vast wisdom that life occurrences have conferred upon you.

Here is an upside to the silver in your hair.

Midlife Euphoria Day 14

Midlife Euphoria Day 14

We moved from Jaipur to Delhi a couple of years back. We had bought a flat in a condominium and wanted to shift into our own accommodation. After residing in company houses in various places where my husband was posted for 30 years we were excited. It was a great high to live in our own apartment and to stay in a multistory housing complex was the first for us. So far we had lived in large bungalows/ cottages, with ample storage spaces, garages, sprawling well manicured lawns and out-houses for servants.

Our excitement grew into apprehension when we saw our stuff getting packed for moving into our new abode. Three truck loads barely managed to squeeze all our belongings.(This after disposing off a considerable amount of stuff). Over the years one tends to collect an assortment of bits and pieces from numerous places as souvenirs, which are chosen with great care and become an almost indispensable part of our lives.

 The first problem was to move all our stuff on to the 11^th floor where our apartment was and once that was accomplished, to fit it all into the new, much reduced space.

It was an ordeal. For months the servant’s room was full till the top with stuff that we could not fit into the living areas. After six odd months, using barely half the stuff we had, made us realize that we can live without the rest.

First lesson in learning was to live in minimalist furnishings and the second important one was to dispense with the extra. I will be truthful to state that it was not easy to dole out our cherished belongings, but once we were through, I assure you we were better-off and much relieved. Besides cleaning and dusting which became much easier, a lot of clutter was removed not only physically but from our minds too.

Instead of missing the lawns one was ecstatic with the view from the 11^th floor balcony and ticked to have more relaxation time, as garden tending was a persistent activity. Instead one bought a few selected potted plants to add greenery and colour to the home. Not only was this an easier option on maintenance point of view but the effect it brought was definitely pleasing to the eye.

Another problem that was taken care off was the power back up facility that is provided in condominiums. Now we could operate all our electric/electronic equipment with no break in service and without the worry of maintaining a generator and stocking up diesel to run it.

The other very agreeable factor was that every time we wanted to go traveling we did not have to be concerned about security. The apartments have their own guards and safety systems in place. All you need to do is lock the main doors securely, put your bags in the car and drive off without a care.

I took to multistory living like fish takes to water.

As one is living in an apartment one tends to bump into neighbours in the elevator, while parking or just walking about in the evenings. These chance meetings also occur in the club, gymnasium or swimming pool meant for the residents. During one of these casual encounters, I volunteered to be part of a spiritual group who met once a week to sing devotional songs and chant religious mantras.  Promptly the next week I got an invitation to attend a satsang in a neighbour’s house.

I am not overtly godly but since I am in my midlife maybe I was expected to confine to the conventional rules of getting older and wiser which is synonymous with becoming spiritual. What ever the reason be, the first time I went was, out of sheer curiosity.

The setting was much sanctified. There was the fragrance of fresh flowers and an elaborate elevated platform adorned with idols of various gods and the delicate scent of incense. We were all handed out a prayer book and precisely on time the bhajans started.

I was struggling to read/sing the words following the rhythm and tempo created by the gathering. I looked up to see the other participants and was amazed to see that most of them had their eyes shut and were singing verbatim without glancing at the book. It was a lot of songs and a lot of Sanskrit shalokas. I was bewildered.

Only the other day a group of us in our fifties were discussing ways to ward off old age and related symptoms like, lack of memory, absentmindedness and clumsiness. The various solutions provided to mentally stimulate ourselves were, Solving Puzzles, Crosswords, Soduku and memorizing long passages word for word.

Now what I was witnessing at the satsang meeting was an actual implementation of one of the ways out. These amazing women in their sacred pursuit were also stimulating their brain cells. The accomplishment of a scientifically proven remedy for old age related issues was being conducted in a very pleasurable manner in a group with an added achievement of attaining spirituality.

After the session someone read a passage from the Holy Scripture Gita and the text was explained in simple words. Since I was naïve in many ways there were a lot of queries that I had, and surprisingly they were explained to me quite convincingly. The whole experience was brilliant and I was astonished at how much I enjoyed it.

Since then I have made it a point to attend as many sessions as I can, and mind you I feel regretful when I cannot make it due to work pressure or otherwise. This group activity energizes you. I have got to know a couple of these women who I can call friends. There is always some interesting discussion that we get into, we also share our joys and worries and there is also a little tea party that follows which we all look forward to.

Nevertheless to say even I can recite a lot from the book without looking into it.

Great mental stimulation for my ageing grey cells!

Midlife Euphoria Day 12

Midlife Euphoria Day 13

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday morning. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the computer with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:
I turned the internet and checked my mail.  A friend had sent me a “forward” THE STORY OF A 1000 MARBLES
I was intrigued and clicked on it to read what it said.
The acumen I gathered from it stays with me till date.
 Let me share the excerpt with you. I hope that it brings about a similar realization to all who read it.

Conversation between an anchor and a guest on a radio talk show:
"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital," he continued; "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."
"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.
Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3,900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.
It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.
Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.
There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.
Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.
It was nice to meet you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 year old man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"
This little piece touched a chord in my heart.  He gave me a lot to think about. His philosophy was so simple yet so true. Very often we neglect to do the most important and obvious things although they are almost effortless and entirely within our power to accomplish
I had planned to work on cleaning my cupboard that morning, and then I was going to meet up with the housing society members to work on the next community program.
Instead, I went to the study where my husband was sipping his coffee and said, "C'mon take me out for brunch today"

"What brought this on?" he asked with a smile.
"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together, just the two of us.” And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."