Midlife Euphoria Day 34

Published in India Currents: https://indiacurrents.com/tips-to-keep-you-and-your-family-safe-in-india/

Tips to Keep You and Your Family Safe In India

• POONAM KIRPAL
• 11 MAY 2021
• CORONA & YOUR LIFE, HEALTH & WELLNESS

It’s been two years now since the world has been grappling with the novel coronavirus. Yes, the deadly Coronavirus disease of 2019 has trailed well into 2021. Causing global social and economic disruption, devastating millions of people, who are dealing with untimely bereavements, isolation, loss of income. Not to mention the onset of mental health issues. We are at the end of our tether!

Recently, the situation in India has become grim. In a vast country with an immense population, imposing restrictions like social distancing had taken a backseat. And that was a grave mistake.

You may think there isn’t much one can do to improve the situation in the world, but we can surely start by taking small steps to keep ourselves and our homes safe. Charity begins at home! And we all need to walk the talk. We need to change a few rudimentary things in our lifestyle and go back to our wise Indian cultural practices. 

There is no revolution we need to stir, all we need to do is change ourselves. The first thought that strikes us is how changing just ourselves is going to change 100 crore or one billion of us? Not only is it a laudable thought, but I am also convinced it is an achievable one. 

Since this is a difficult time of the pandemic, we will focus only on those lifestyle changes at our level which will make us safer at home.

Namaste greeting 

What do we do when we meet an outsider? A traditional namaste has been replaced by a handshake followed by a clumsy hug or maybe a peck on the cheek. Not to mention which cheek to go for first, creating some comedy-filled moments. Now the world acknowledges the value of folded hands—Namaste—which conveys all your feelings with poise and dignity. We should adopt it not because it symbolizes our civilization, but also because it’s the safest greeting in these difficult times.

Footwear outside

Traditionally, we (including visitors) left our footwear outside the house before entering. This isn’t the case anymore. We wear designer shoes with our designer couture. So, leaving our footwear outside is like being half-dressed. However, on our recent visits abroad, we noticed that it’s quite normal to leave your shoes outside and slip into slippers provided by the host or move about barefoot in a spic and span house. The logic behind being that the members of the family have to clean the house most times, and the parquet flooring doesn’t shine if dust falls on it. This has been picked up by the west from our culture. We should readopt this practice. Patent it perhaps? 

Definitely, during the pandemic, it is essential to keep all invasions of germs, dust, and filth out. In the years gone by, it was customary for guests or any member of the household to wash their hands and feet before entering the house. We must ensure that anyone entering should remove their shoes outside and then either wash/sanitize hands. Seems difficult! You’ll be surprised how easy it will be if you bring it into practice, strictly following the rule yourself first.

Use a spoon when eating snacks

Avoid using hands to eat snacks like bhujia, peanuts, roasted chanas, etc. Use a spoon or serve all the guests in individual bowls. The same goes for serving saunf, elaichi and chooran after a meal. For the same reason, I never take the complimentary sweet saunf that is presented in any eatery after a meal.

Wash hands

Always wash your hands before a meal even if you have not stepped out. Sometimes we unconsciously touch our eyes, mouth, or nose and if there’s an infection lurking about, nip it. This should be strictly followed in every household.

Use cutlery when eating at the dining table

Eating at the table is the norm. Most of us have lost the ability to sit cross-legged on the floor. In certain circles, it’s considered chic to use hands while eating. Which is fine, but let’s not forget that in the olden days we would sit on the floor and eat with our hands, but never touched another vessel other than our own thali, as someone else would serve us.

But now if you are using your hands, you touch the serving spoon to take another helping—in the process, soiling the spoon with your saliva. I feel Indian food like chapattis should also be rolled up and the vegetable or dal should be eaten with a spoon to minimize contact with one’s hands or else after serving yourselves once, the serving dishes should be removed from the table. It may sound rude but all dieticians say that to remain healthy, one must never go for a second helping. And this should be our mantra during these terrible times. 

Are napkins needed?

If we use cutlery, the use of napkins automatically becomes negligible. Westerners often kept the napkin as an adornment, hardly touching it to their mouth after a meal and almost never leaving a stain on it. Our Indian way of eating soils cloth napkins, rendering them useless for further use especially if they are light-colored. 

Some curry marks are difficult to obliterate. During the pandemic, one should use disposable paper napkins if required and completely withdraw the cloth ones. It has become a norm to keep a paper napkin along with a cloth one. Table etiquette demands that you do not even touch the starched white napkin. Use the disposable one leaving the cloth one unsoiled. During this time of infection, showing off table layout is not as important as keeping oneself safe, so do away with cloth napkins.

Limit the numbers you entertain 

Do not entertain more than 4-6 people (depending on the size of your living area) inside your house. As far as possible, entertain in the open—your lawn or balcony—but if indoors, ensure that at least everyone is seated 4-6 feet apart. Invariably, we maintain good social distance practices, and please forgo the photo! To fit everyone in one frame, we break the rule and invariably this is the time we talk/laugh the most in close proximity. A picture on Facebook is avoidable at this stage.

Abide and don’t complain

A lot of exploration and analysis goes into the matter before certain restrictions are imposed. Do not try to reinvent the wheel. Abide. It is easy to protest or grumble. Do it only if you have something constructive to contribute. Wear a mask if required, a double mask if needed. Wear it the way it is meant to be worn, covering your nose and mouth. Don’t just wear it on your chin. You are not doing a favor to the authorities but a service to yourself and your self-preservation. 

After receiving the first shot of the vaccine, people thought they had won the battle and defeated the virus. Even after repeated announcements by health officials appealing to people to not drop their guard, you could see bazaars full of people, liquor shops overflowing with masses, large wedding celebrations, religious and political gatherings. The result was the surge of the second spike of Covid, far more dangerous than the first one.

Sneeze in your sleeve

Make small changes in your everyday habits, like sneezing into your sleeve.

Open doors with care

Open doors with your elbow, or while holding a sanitizer tissue or regular tissue.

Care in elevators

Carry toothpicks or tissues to press elevator buttons. These do not require a lot of space and can be easily disposed of, after use. 

Poonam Kirpal practicing prayanam in her home (Image provided by Author)

Practice healthy habits

Starting the day with Prayanam or breathing exercises, some stretching, yoga or a brisk walk keeps you rejuvenated for the whole day. Pushing them off for later in the day can sometimes make it difficult to get to. Best to get done with them in the morning when you have more control over your time. These practices, especially yoga which originated in India 5,000 years ago, is becoming a la mode in the western world. 

A full night’s sleep is a must for a healthy body

In the days gone by, we rose with the twittering of the birds and retired at dusk like them. Several studies attribute issues like the risk of a recurrent heart attack, stroke, and abnormal heartbeats, such as atrial fibrillation, leading to serious health issues including death to lack of sleep. During the pandemic, a lot of us were forced back into this tradition not out of choice but for the lack of opportunity to stay awake. With all theatres, restaurants, nightclubs, discos, pubs, and casinos shut, it was enforced confinement.

Once you get a good night’s sleep, you feel rested and calm in the day. It becomes addictive and besides your beauty sleep will keep your dark circles, puffy eyes, and headaches at bay. Soon you’ll be a slave to this miracle health mantra. Besides, it keeps stress levels low, thereby keeping immunity high. Something that’s a need of the hour these days!

Consume a lot of water

I remember as children gulping gallons and gallons of liquids, especially in the summer. There was always whey water (lassi), nimbu pani, bhel juice, aam panna, jal jeera and many colored drinks like kewra (yellow), khuskhus (green), rose (red), all made at home and roohafza, which we had with water or milk. Even if one had one drink of each, our daily hydration requirement was met. 

Over the years, these natural flavors got replaced by fizzy soda drinks like Coke and Pepsi, which have their own set of adverse effects on health. They were almost addictive and took over the entire beverage industry. Also, with the excessive use of air conditioning and intolerance of heat, people tend to stay indoors and the need for hydration reduces considerably. Just drinking water when the body doesn’t seem to need it seems silly and actually one forgets to drink water. It happens to me often and my kids keep reminding me to drink water.

Water plays a very important role in our body. It takes nutrients and oxygen to our cells, flushes bacteria from our bladder, aids in digestion, prevents constipation, normalizes blood pressure, and protects our joints and tissues. So many virtues by merely drinking a 5-6 glasses of water! Just worth it. Make it a habit, and in no time, your body will start demanding water.

Eat right to build immunity

Indian cuisine is possibly among the most nutritious and balanced. Every meal of dal, sabzi, rice/chapatti, curd, and green salad takes care of our nutritional needs like proteins, carbohydrates, fats and vitamins. Masalas and herbs like turmeric, cumin, coriander, cardamoms, cloves, pepper, carom (ajwain), mustard, asafoetida (hing) and use of ginger, coriander, green chilli, tomato, garlic, onion and desi ghee that go into preparing our normal everyday food add not only a lot of flavor but also boost immunity thanks to each spice’s medicinal value. Having said this, it’s always nice to experiment with something different every now and then. 

Eating out/ordering food at home should not be a norm but a diversion. Eat healthy, remain healthy. The fast food/junk food culture that we have adopted from the west makes life easy but sooner or later we will pay a price for it. 

See symptoms and act fast!

If you experience even bourgeoning Covid symptoms, do something about it immediately. Isolate and get tested. If you test positive, announce it in your community. There are people who can help if you share your predicament. Take active steps to deal with the situation. To protect yourself and your loved ones, maintain an uncompromising quarantine for 14 days. Put in all your energies to overcome your situation by doing the right things. Exercise to keep the oxygen level high and take paracetamol for keeping the temperature in control. If anything goes out of control, consult a doctor for further action. 

Watch your nutrition

Always, but especially during this time, take nourishing food. Often your sense of taste and smell is compromised thanks to the virus. As a result, food is unappetizing. This should not be an excuse not to eat. Do eat enough food to build immunity and get energy for the body to fight the virus.

Become as self-reliant as can be

I contacted the virus and was isolated for a fortnight. During this time, I was washing my own utensils, cleaning my bathroom, and washing my own clothes. After the first couple of days, I used to look forward to this monotonous routine. I realized my bathroom looked cleaner than before and my clothes washed by me had a sparkle that was previously missing. The whites looked whiter and the colored clothes got their gleam back. 

In those 15 days, I wanted to run through my entire wardrobe to bring back the luster into my drab clothes. It’s very easy to slip back into the complacency of throwing all the clothes into the washing machine or ignoring a few lapses in cleanliness. But I resolved to look into some matters actively and taking action personally once my quarantine was over. It gives you a feeling of empowerment and self-reliance. 

Ignore vaccine-related rumors

We have waited for the vaccine for a year, so why the vaccine hesitancy? Hearsay is misleading. Believe in scientists who provide research and scientific proofs in front of you. If required, certainly go for medication or any other medical intervention. But don’t solely rely on home remedies. 

Stay occupied

It is very important to keep yourself suitably occupied instead of only watching the news that can be misleading and anxiety-inducing. However, keep yourself updated on the current scenario through authentic news. You can divide your time doing things you enjoy. Read, catch a film on Netflix, hear music, meditate, or pursue spiritual/religious activities if it gives you peace. You can also get crafty – tatting, knitting, crochet, painting, writing or embroidering, have their therapeutic merits. 

Verify social media news

It’s critical to verify the news that you circulate within your friend’s circle via WhatsApp or any other media to avoid the spread of misinformation and falling prey to it.

Wash away!

Besides following a routine of washing personal effects, it should be a norm for everyone irrespective of whether you have contracted the virus or not to always wash your mask or handkerchief oneself. Mask sanitation should be personalized. Even children should be encouraged to do that.

Wear a mask all the time

Mask wearing at all times, even at home when you are together should be followed. Wear a double mask when stepping out of the house. 

Self-groom

Learn to groom yourself instead of depending on beauty salons for pedicures, manicures, massages, threading, head massages, facials, and haircuts.

Spend less time with gadgets & electronics

Instead nurture family bonds, revel in the sounds and beauty of nature around us. During this pandemic, a lot of people have lost their dear ones. One hopes one had spent better time with them. Don’t miss this opportunity to re-establish these bonds. Over the last year, a lot of people have posted pictures of their gardens, blossoms on trees, and the changing skies. I personally enjoy the sunrises and sunsets a lot more than ever before.

Model!

Instill a sense of discipline in your children and other family members by becoming a role model.

With that said. In a strange way, perhaps the pandemic came to heal the world and its people living on the planet through harsh but valuable lessons. Human beings have plundered the earth, abused nature, oppressed our natural resources, victimized wild and marine life, and overburdened the atmosphere with toxic pollutants. The losses that we have incurred are difficult to obliterate, the lessons we have learned are difficult to ignore. The values that we overlooked need to be reinstated. Let it be a lesson for a lifetime, and not disregard it once the crisis is over.

Let us be the change we want to see.

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Poonam Kirpal is a Post Graduate in Child Development from Delhi University.  A freelance counselor, she has three books to her credit: ‘Fast Forward’, ‘Saccharine and a Lot of Spice’, ‘Amma’ and ‘Ma + Ma = Grandma’. You can read her blog at www.midlifeuphoria.blogspot.in

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Midlife Euphoria Day 33

Refreshing Interlude

We all enjoy holidays, visiting friends and family, taking time out to spend some days with children and so forth. Primarily, a digression from “normal” adds a lot of spice to our lives. But very often, we come back from an expedition feeling exhausted—especially if it is a sightseeing excursion, a walking tour or an animated trip involving hiking, skiing or cycling. Even if it is a celebration like a wedding, anniversary or just a lot of formal get-togethers, one is worn out in a couple of days.                          

The journey, be it on the road or a plane, always seems more excruciating when you go back than when you were venturing out. On return, the thought of a pile of clothes waiting to be washed, buying groceries, ensuring that there is milk, butter and bread in the refrigerator, resuming the help to start work and what not wears you out. In fact, restarting the old routine to “normal” takes a lot of effort. So, you wonder if the respite was really worth it.

While returning from our mountain abode back to our home in the plains, we were invited by our friends, CK Mahajan and his wife Savita, to spend some days with them at their ancestral house in their village Bhadwar. It is also located in the hills but at a lower altitude from Mashobra. We were a bit skeptical initially but gave in willingly due to their sincere bidding.

What followed was beyond belief. After an eight-hour road journey, we reached their charming property in the village. This place is in Kangra district in Himachal Pradesh, tucked away between two busy towns, Pathankot and the popular hill station Dharamshala. If not looking for it purposefully, one can easily miss this tiny hamlet which has a meagre population of some 690 odd people.

The property is situated within five acres of land, and the house was built circa 1910 in ancient style—with rooms all around and a large courtyard in the centre. There are countless numbers of rooms with gardens at the back where vegetables like cauliflower, carrot, cabbage, spinach and turnips grow. Further, there are fruit trees of apple, pear, sweet lime, lemon, guava, papaya and kiwi. At the back, there are outhouses which the caretakers use, and there is even provision for keeping cattle such as cows and buffaloes.

Since it is not used most of the year by the family, the house is a little rundown but one look at it and one could imagine its erstwhile splendour. For all practical purposes, it was very liveable with all the comforts of modern living—running hot/cold water, Wi-Fi, television, fireplace for heating and so on. The kitchen, though built in the old style, is now equipped with all necessities like an oven, griller, cooking gas, electric kettle; and has all the pots, pans, crockery and cutlery required for functioning.

We had driven to our hosts’ home along with them from Mashobra. On reaching, we were greeted by a very amiable staff. They had dusted and cleaned our rooms, and the beds were ready for our welcome. After a refreshing drink, we were served a lovely hot meal. After an afternoon siesta, we had tea in the veranda and explored the sprawling grounds of this amazing place. There were several rooms, most of which were not being used. In the good old days, these were continually occupied by family and friends.

CK Mahajan’s grandfather, Justice Mehr Chand Mahajan, was the third Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of India. Prior to that, he was the Prime Minister of the state of Jammu and Kashmir during the reign of Maharaja Hari Singh, and had played a key role in the accession of the state to India. He lived king size. This was his ancestral home where he continued to live like a king even after his retirement.

In the evening, we sat in the sitting room which looked enticing with a blaze of glowing wood in the fireplace. We were enveloped in the impending warmth around. This stately luxury matched the aura of the setting. Every now and then, a fresh log of wood was put in to carry on with the majestic ambience. One just wanted to sink deeper and deeper into the couches, not wanting to leave this milieu.

After the newness of the first day, we fell into a pattern. It was a routine without any agenda and completely at ease. It began with a leisurely breakfast in the sun and went on till noon with a break for tea and coffee. Thereafter, lunch would follow under the sun kissed porch. Since it was December, the warm sun was very welcome, especially after Mashobra’s bitter cold. After lunch, we would rest for an hour and venture out for a brisk walk in the village.

The Shivalik hills loom on one side of the village, remitting an ethereal feel. Subsequent to the walk and evening tea, we would plant ourselves in the sitting room in front of the blazing fire, enjoying the warmth of the room and our gracious hosts. We would watch television, chat, discuss politics and watch movies or popular soap operas. It may sound mundane, but it felt blissful to the core of our soul—no parties, no dolling up, no excursions, no schedule. I would knit, which I enjoy, and also made Savita indulge in my passion.

Coming back to our hosts. CK is a very caring person. His love for people is genuine, and he is always inviting people over to his house, starting with breakfast. Savita keeps up with his gregarious disposition. Her day starts with a walk in the morning, and then a couple of hours in the kitchen. She has very efficient staff but she puts in time in the morning cooking/baking/instructing and organising the day. She is a very accomplished person who has varied interests and doesn’t compromise on anything. She is known as the social queen of Mashobra. She and her husband are busy for all meals including breakfast. Either they are entertaining or being entertained. She makes it a point to ensure that anybody visiting Mashobra gets a hot meal or snack on arrival.

During the Covid times, she would send food to people’s homes when they arrived. Further, she is an intense bridge player. She would never miss a game in the afternoon, after which she would go for her customary walk in the evening. She is very conscientious about her husband’s nourishment, and ensures that he gets whatever he needs in time the way he likes it. She is a wonderful person with an excellent disposition, and is beautiful. How can one person have so many attributes? Her best quality is the way she organises her time. Never flustered, stressed or compromising on anything that she likes to do. To pack in so much in a day, day after day, and always with a smile on her face! How does she manage it? Hats off to her.                        

From a bohemian lifestyle of fancy eating, partying travelling abroad and entertaining lavishly they, slip into this rustic life naturally. They consume the local organic produce and make brief appearances at rural rituals like "dhams" where the entire village is invited. It is like being in an avant-garde naturopathic spa. The difference is that one is not paying through one’s nose. After a couple of months in this body and soul purification lacuna, knock on wood, they are glowing, healthy and spreading cheer for the rest of the year.    

There is enough to keep them constructively occupied. CK gets involved with the trust that his grandfather had started for the welfare of villagers, which involves education, health and general upliftment for the residents. There is always something to do around the humongous property, which keeps Savita busy. A drive on the meandering roads towards Dharmshala leads to water bodies formed by the river Beas that flows through the village. The greenery of the region’s natural flora is really rejuvenating and will be cherished by us forever.

One day, I made a pickle which my mom used to make. Till she was alive, I never ventured into territories which in my mind were her patent. Knitting is one of them. There was too much competition, and she was clearly the expert who had an edge. When you are younger, your confidence levels are low. There is fear of comparison; the notion of perfection kills the joy to strive. Also, you are scared to waste raw material if you fail. But when you get to our age, we are not bothered about any of the above. In fact, you even tweak recipes to your taste. We use less sugar than specified in desserts, less masala in the savouries and improvise if an ingredient is not available. This skill only comes with age and maturity. #midlifeuphoria. Knitting and making pickles….I was inadvertently turning into my mom.

Having said this, I remember I once baked a coco cake for my brother who has diabetes. In my endeavour to make a healthy cake, I didn’t put any sugar and garnished it with sugarless cream and chocolate flakes. It looked like a gourmet’s delight. But when my brother put it in his mouth, he almost choked. When I told him about my concern for his health, he had a hearty laugh which continued till he was almost rolling on the floor. I seriously thought he was having a heart attack. The cake tasted like sawdust. Nevertheless, we ate it with ice cream. So much for improvising.

I kept telling Savita that my time in Badhwar was very soothing to my nerves. It was almost a meditative experience, and extremely relaxing for my restless mind. I could not pinpoint the real perception till it dawned upon me one day. It was the same feeling that I would experience when I visited my parents after marriage. The sense of calm and nonchalance was similar. Minutes would diffuse into hours, and hours into days. I would simply drift with the flow. Sanjay also felt equally at ease just like when he would visit his parents. Our hosts are not that much older than us but their amenability had put us to ease—making our stay a very memorable one.

My take from this experience is that every holiday is not meant for “doing” things. You can make your guests comfortable only if you are not on pins and needles yourself. Your household can run smoothly on oiled wheels, if you organise and manage your time well. Lastly, the real test of a successful life is to have the ability to carry out arduous chores seamlessly while making them appear effortless. 

Midlife Euphoria Day 32

Covid Drama                                                                                                 

As soon as the lockdown was declared on 22^nd March, 2020, there was panic all over the country. The unknown quality of this mysterious virus, Covid-19, shook everyone. We were wearing gloves, masks and sanitizing our hands like maniacs. Every time we stepped outside the house for the mingiest of chores, we would rush back, tear our clothes off our body, throw them into a wash and bathe before touching anything in the house. We discontinued all the household help to come to the house in order to keep ourselves safe from the deadly virus. This madness continued for two months.

In the beginning, we took it as a challenge to clean, cook and wash without help. Then, it became routine. Soon, this bad dream would end and we’ll go back to our original lifestyle is what we kept saying to console ourselves. But the news on every channel predicted just the reverse. Every day, Covid victims were multiplying and it seemed to ruthlessly engulf all areas rapidly. It was spreading like wild fire with no mercy on sufferers. The media was reporting casualties and sufferings of people afflicted by this queer malady every day.

We had almost resigned ourselves to stay at home, do all our chores ourselves, not socialise or eat out for the entire year ahead. Thinking optimistically that post the pandemic we would become independent of the household help, learn to look inwards and find some wonderful dormant gifts within ourselves that would enlighten our life.

It may sound terrible but we are a generation that requires constant interpersonal relationships. We prefer to go to a bank and do our work—in the process meet the bank manager who offers us a cup of coffee, go for a walk, meet someone and chat our way for an hour. Time is what we have in ample—an hour of walking and a trip to the bank is half a day well spent before siesta time. A walk in the evening and a couple of hours spent with friends before bedtime is an ideal day spent—exhausting and fulfilling. No parties, weddings, walks, trips to the drycleaner, grocery store or bank! Life had come to a screeching halt.

Delhi-NCR is unbearably hot during the summers. April onwards is pretty intolerable and we were confined entirely to the house. Every year, we escape to the hills during the summer where we have a small abode. This year, the states had sealed their borders to avoid the spread of Covid. We were feeling trapped in our Gurgaon house. Finally, the government made provisions to travel interstate for which an e-pass was required. This was a ray of hope. However, there were a lot of ifs and buts, and a lot depended on the whims and fancies of the authorities to issue an e-pass. With great trepidation, we applied for one, and lo and behold, it was granted to us. We had to travel within two days of the pass being issued.

We lost no time and threw our bare necessities into a bag, jumped into our car and were off to the mountains. The bare necessities this time were of a different nature. Not knowing what the situation in the small rural hamlet of Mashobra would be, we loaded the car with milk powder, masalas, wheat flour, rice noodles, pasta, breads, vegetables, fruit, sugar, chocolates and every other conceivable item which we thought would not be available to us. The car was stuffed like a can of sardines and we were squeezed into our two seats. Still it was bearable, as we were coming out of a prison maybe to get locked into another one. But a definite advantage was the cool, pure air to breathe.   

After a ten-hour long journey in which we didn’t even stop for a cup of tea and our e-pass was checked a couple of times, we were advised 14 days of home quarantine on arrival to our mountain home. We were well stocked and used to the confinement in any case. The house was cleaned before our arrival, after which the staff said that they would not see us for two weeks. They were terrified of us as if we would inflict them even if we set eyes on them. Since the staff would not touch anything that had come in contact with us, I imagined how the untouchables must have felt in the bygone era.  

During the 14 days when no household help stepped into our house, we discovered a lot of stuff that we had not used in a long time and had no clue about. We got an opportunity to clear the mess and downsize some of the things that we could do away with. In the process, we stumbled upon some interesting things like a waffle maker, a coffee percolator, some cook-and-serve bowls and other interesting knick knacks. During the quarantine, we indulged in exotic culinary delights as I wanted to try these new gadgets. The confinement seemed charming after the monotony of the furnace-like internment of our Gurgaon house in the plains.

Fourteen days really flew and we were thankful to be in a good place away from the grime, dust, heat and pollution of the plains. We enjoyed the sunrise every morning, the chirping of the birds which was our morning alarm, the lovely blue sky throughout the day, the glorious sunsets which seemed new and different every day, and then the sparkling stars in the clear night sky. Before this time, I had rarely noticed the sunrise as I always contented that a sunrise is simply the reversal of a sunset—and was quite content watching the sun decent. Now, I know the difference.

After the 14-day confinement, our regular help took over. We had been consoling ourselves on how “Atmanirbhar” (independent) we had become without the household help. But once they were back in action, it was simply wonderful. Now, we had time to indulge in our favourite pursuits—simple things like reading, walking, knitting, playing online bridge, watching television—all the things we took for granted before the Covid scare seemed like hard-to-find luxuries. To have gratitude is a lesson we learnt during this difficult time.

Life in Mashobra was pretty normal, as there were no Covid cases for miles around us. The government had restricted the entry of tourists strictly, which gave us a feeling of security. A couple of us had managed to come before the e-pass became very difficult to acquire. The sense of freedom that one felt is indescribable. We could walk freely morning and evening as well as entertain and socialize in small groups outdoors.

Since our children are far beyond the age of school, I had not realized the trauma parents and children of school going ages were facing. Kids at home were bored, and becoming a nuisance for their parents. This was more so in underprivileged homes where parents were at a loss at keeping their kids suitably occupied. I spoke to the staff in our complex and asked them to send their kids to me for help in their school work. They were delighted. I was a bit apprehensive as to the kids’ reaction as I may be invading their freedom. The next day, a couple of them came with their books. I asked them for their difficulties and was amazed when they opened the first page of their book in all the subjects. They had not opened their books for the last three months. I realized I had enrolled myself into a major project.

Within a day or two, I became quite efficient in dividing my time between kids of varying ages. They needed individual attention as their requirements differed vastly. We would keep the last half an hour for singing songs. I began on an ambitious note by introducing songs and poems that they had never heard. They started reciting well known poems such as “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth, “Home, They Brought Her Warrior Dead” by Alfred Tennyson, “Where the Mind is Without Fear” by Rabindranath Tagore and songs such as “Do Re Mi”, “Old Mac Donald”, “This Old Man”, “Brown Girl in the Rain”, “We Shall Overcome” and many more.

Initially, it seemed like a failing battle as the kids were not familiar with this kind of vocabulary. But after the first month of repetitions and practice, they started memorizing the verses. From a rollercoaster ride it became a walk in the park….literally as the classes were held in the garden. We would end the session each day on an animated note. A few breathing exercises for healthy lungs, especially during Covid times, a healthy jog around the park, a couple of yoga stretches ending with the Suryanamaskar and finally, relaxing meditation. They loved the regime and requested me if they could invite a few more kids. I involved other people from the complex to join in, and one person agreed to tackle Mathematics. This was a great load off me, as I was spending a considerable amount of time unravelling their math problems.

When they became sufficiently proficient, we decided to invite everyone from the complex, including their parents, to witness a programme presented by the kids. It was a great success. One of the residents sponsored the samosas, jalebis and tea, so the little initiative became an event. Now, their thirst to learn and perform became ravenous. I had to bend over backwards to satiate their ever increasing demands. Giving them a day off in the week was almost like a punishment for them. They would look at me accusingly whenever I wanted a break or left them before time. It gave me a great thrill, but honesty I needed some breathing space. Now, putting up a performance every month became a ritual. In August, the theme was Independence Day. The kids spoke about the freedom struggle and we sang patriotic songs like Vande Mataram, and concluded with the national anthem. The next month was devoted to nature, and the following month to the festivities of Dussehra and Diwali.

In September, my daughter came with her little daughter who had turned three in June. They came with great difficulty after obtaining a Covid-negative test and an e-pass. My granddaughter was to join preschool, but due to Covid she couldn’t as schools were shut all over the country. Now that she was here and I was running a school of sorts, we decided to sign her up too. Initially, she found the situation very unusual. I was “nani” to her but in class, the kids called me “ma’am”. At first, she wanted her mom to be present in class. But soon she became accustomed to not having her mother around all the time.

Each day was a new learning for her. Gradually, she started singing with the kids and retaining the words in the verses and songs. Some days, I would take time off and my daughter would hold the classes. She recognized that mummy in the class also becomes a “ma’am”. It was very interesting. Incidentally, I was also in my daughter’s first school and she used to address me as “ma’am” in school. Even at home if I called her by her full name, Neha Kirpal, to everyone’s amusement, she would stand up immediately and say “Yes, ma’am!”. This was history repeating itself. I would say we made the most of a bad situation and came out winners. The kids benefitted, the staff was happy, we were constructively occupied and my granddaughter didn’t miss out on her first school experience.

Now, it was getting frightfully cold in the hills. We had to declare winter vacation. My daughter left for her home and we stayed back as Covid numbers were still playing havoc all over the world.

Earlier on, Covid cases were just statistics for us. But disturbingly now, it was afflicting people we knew. Many of our friends and family were becoming victims of this illness. It was taking a frightful turn, and coming closer to home.

Just then we heard that a very dear friend of ours, Sweety, also acquired the infection. Earlier, her family had got it but thankfully, all had recovered. But in her case, the mysterious virus took a nasty turn and Sweety's body gave way. We lost her. She was a wonderful person. She and her husband used to come to Mashobra and spread cheer around. They were excellent hosts and the life of every party. Sweety would croon beautiful old numbers and it was a delight to see them both dance their way to everyone's heart. Losing her to this awful malady was a great shock for all of us.

The Himachal government had thrown the doors open for all to travel freely. Suddenly, there was a surge of tourists who invaded our so-far safe haven. Soon, we heard of some Covid cases close to us. Life became guarded again.

Now, the choice was to stay on in the hills and freeze or go back to the plains and fight Covid and the pollution. What weighed in favour of the plains was no proper medical backup in the hills in case of an emergency. The crisis seemed to be looming close day after day, as Covid cases kept coming closer and closer. It was a case of from the frying pan into the fire. Finally, we decided to jump into the fire and headed homewards to the plains.

Just then, we heard the most devastating news of the year. My closest friend, Dolly, along with her family had tested positive for Coronavirus . She has a mother who is over 80. We were all very worried for them. Surprisingly, she and her mother started recovering but her husband who was fit as a fiddle, did not show any signs of retrieval. However, every time the doctors spoke to him, he would say that he was feeling better—but his parameters showed otherwise. He was shifted to the ICU where after a couple of days, he succumbed to the deadly virus. It was heartbreaking. The news shattered us completely. I felt the real impact of the terrible situation. This was hitting very close to home.

It was a totally helpless feeling. We could not go and hold her hand or embrace her, as one had to maintain social distance. How do you deal with such a terrible predicament without being able to reach out personally to people that you deeply care for? Her own daughter could not meet her mom and console her with a comforting hug. They were meeting each other from a distance. How ironical. In a time like this when we really needed to be with each other, we were forced to stay at a distance. No proper send-off for your dear ones, no prayer meeting—the closure doesn’t happen so easily. We were powerless against the cruel tricks that providence was thrusting upon us.

On my return, I quarantined myself for a week before meeting my dearest friend. No words were enough to express what I wanted to say, so I didn’t have to say anything. But what amazed me was the way my friend and her family had endured the tragedy of losing their loved one. There was no anger, no blame and no overwrought accusations. In fact after Surinder had passed on, his daughter wrote to the doctor attending on him to thank him for all his efforts and time. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. More than me, the doctor must have been so nonplussed that he took a couple of days to react. He wrote to her saying that he tried his best, and that Surinder was a fighter and one of the most cheerful patients he had encountered in this pandemic. Every time the doctor met him, he gave him a thumbs-up sign. However, his medical variables showed no signs of improvement.

That day, I learnt from Dolly that living with bitterness just spoils existing relationships and pulls you down into melancholy from which it’s difficult to pull yourself out. Their terrible loss had somehow given them enough fortitude to deal with the crisis. How can anyone be so rational in such circumstances? With each passing day, my respect for this remarkable family goes up many notches.

This pandemic has cost a lot to a lot of people. People have been rendered homeless, the condition of those with co-morbidities worsened, people lost their businesses and jobs, and most of all their lives. For me and a lot many, 2020 will go down as the darkest year for the loss of their loved ones just as we are still having difficulty coming to terms with the untimely loss of our dear friends Surinder and Sweety.

The year 2021 has begun with a hope for normalcy once again. The vaccine is round the corner. The number of Covid victims is decreasing in the country. Hotels and restaurants are functioning as before. After almost a year of living in fear, people are venturing out of their homes. Small social gatherings are being held.

Many people would have to deal with mental health issues post-Covid. This radical change of lifestyle has affected many. Some have been affected physically, others financially, several socially, emotionally and medically, which leads to mental stress and agony.

I wouldn't say that Covid came without some schooling. We learnt to be more self reliant and learnt to do with less. Not visiting any store to buy clothing, jewellery and household artefacts was not the end of the world. Necessities of one time now seemed superfluous. Not eating out in fancy restaurants and surviving was another feat that seemed unlikely pre-Covid times. One learnt to appreciate and improvise home recipes into more exciting delights, in the process discovering a healthier way of living. A lot of us attended webinars/courses to enhance our potentials. Keeping fit and healthy became a maxim. To invest within became more important than overt showing off. People did breathing exercises, workouts and yoga at home...rendering so-far essential gyms and spas futile. All beauty treatments were in-house, making parlours redundant. Travel, which was an aphrodisiac for survival came to an outright halt. 

Did we fall apart? No. Instead the earth healed. One heard the birds chirping; butterflies and fireflies were back in action. Wild animals came out of hiding and walked the barren streets of cities. Pollution levels improved, the Ganges and other rivers became clean. The plundering of the planet by humans had come to an end. Gratitude is one virtue that the pandemic has taught many. But how long will we remember this lesson given to us by the Almighty? The question is: will we go back to our old ways or come out as greater humans after this pandemic is over? Only time will tell.

Midlife Euphoria Day 31

Lockdown Diary: Every Dark Cloud Has a Silver Lining

When the lockdown was announced, we were all nonplussed. What were we going to do? How were we going to survive? No stepping out of the house for even a walk? Life actually came to a halt! No maids, no cook, no driver…can you imagine a life without these lifelines?

We had invited my daughter, Neha, and her in-laws for lunch at home just a day before the lockdown, and she had decided to stay back for a couple of days with us along with our two-and- a-half year old granddaughter, Kaavya, before she started her preschool on the 1^st of April. It seemed like a wonderful idea.

Then the announcement locked all our plans. So, here we were with a toddler bursting with energy locked in with us, deprived of her very first school and playmates. The onus of compensating for her loss seemed to weigh on me the most. So, I, an M. Sc. degree holder in Child Development—the expert grandmom—took it upon myself to transform this limitation into an opportunity.

First, we decided to toilet train Kaavya. She is quite conversant but the diaper allowed her the security to not tell when she needed to relieve herself. So, we removed the diaper and told her the consequences of not wearing one. The first two days were traumatic as she refused to sit on the pot when we wanted her to. But miraculously on the third day, she began to shuffle and indicated her need to use the toilet. A big victory, and my husband, Sanjay, marked it by opening a bottle of wine for all of us after she had slept.

Next, we wanted to train her to wear no diaper at night too. I slept in my daughter’s room and put an alarm for 3 am to put little Kaavya on the pot. She refused and went back to sleep. There was no bedwetting. The next two nights, we repeated the ritual but she still didn’t oblige. Finally, we realized that she could hold for the whole night. It was time to rejoice again with Sanjay opening another bottle of wine. A second celebration within a span of four days! If things continued this way, we would be alcoholics with euphoria by the end of the lockdown.

By then, Kaavya began looking up to me as a mentor, philosopher and guide. I wanted to strike while the iron was hot. Next on the agenda was to replace her milk bottle with a glass. She loved her milk in a bottle, in the morning and before going to bed. The fear was that she might give up drinking milk altogether. We took a chance. The first day, she refused to drink from a glass. The second day, she had half a glass. The next day, she gave up the bottle suddenly, saying that we could give it away to a little puppy. That was our third victory—and you guessed it, Sanjay was ready with our third bottle of wine—all within the first week of the lockdown!

We then began a volley of question/answer sessions with Kaavya. “What is the capital of India?” “Who is the prime minister of India?” “What is our national bird, animal and flower?” “Where does a dog, lion, hen and a pig live?” “What are their young ones called?” and “What sounds do they make?” It seemed like an overwhelming task but my pupil was unrelenting and kept soaking in information like a sponge, and soon started comprehending the knowledge and blurting out answers like a parrot. Now, I needed to be on my toes to find more interesting facts for her to assimilate. So, she learnt all the rules of the Covid-19 lockdown: “staying at home”, “social distancing”, “wearing masks/gloves” and “washing hands”.

During our ‘talk time’, she memorised the seven days of the week, the twelve months of the year and the sensory organs and their uses. In our play time, we cracked jigsaw puzzles while singing songs together. Surprisingly, she picked up the gayatri mantra, a bhajan and “Papa Loves Mama” in no time. It was really cute to hear her sing in her baby voice the lyrics of these songs, some of which were quite intricate.

Since computers and mobile phones are an imperative part of our lives and the only way to keep one’s sanity especially during the lockdown, it was impossible to keep screen time away from her, which we had been doing quite effectively before. So, I decided to incorporate a little education in this too. I told Neha that computers may become a way of life for this generation, and thereon introduced Kaavya to a tablet, the Surface. She learnt to enter the code to turn it on, how to click on the Word document, get to the keyboard, recognize letters, numbers, symbols and emojis. On the phone, she learnt how to open the Scrabble app, push the letters in the box, recall and shuffle them and move on to the next game. She can even click candid pictures and selfies as well as delete them if they are “bakwas” (not good enough). She can also record herself singing songs on the mobile.

There were many things I had planned to do during the lockdown, like knit (which I love), crochet (which I wanted to learn), make masks (which I wanted to distribute), resume cooking exotic cuisine (which I had forgotten) and organize my cupboards (which are always a mess), but instead I ended up spending the most fruitful as well as enjoyable time with Kaavya.

This prolonged period of containment has taught us many important things. We have learnt to value our caretakers, cherish the simple pleasures of life like sitting in the balcony looking at a sky full of stars, hear the chirping of the birds in the morning, the sight of a clear blue sky and the worth of people and family around us. Each one of us is trying to help each other in chores we had not done before and realizing that necessity is the mother of invention, and that nothing is impossible. I took charge of the cooking. Neha helped with cleaning and washing. Sanjay sorted out his papers and chipped in with dusting till everything sparkled. In fact, the house had never looked as clean and organized as it did currently.

Despite more work in the house, there is more compassion and willingness to help others who are older as well as support the less advantaged, while being thankful for one’s blessings. I went on an impromptu baking spree, and surprised my neighbours with little cakes one day, which was appreciated by all. Needles to say, the small gesture gave me immense pleasure. The earth is healing, as we all know, and so are all of us from within. We have realized that we can do without so many things that seemed essential for us, and that living a minimalistic life leaves one feeling gratified. That we can do very well without racing around aimlessly on roads, in movie halls, restaurants, malls and unnecessary large festivities.

People have even commemorated weddings, landmark birthdays and anniversaries during this time. For instance, we had a lockdown milestone 40^th ruby jubilee celebration. A lot of our friends and relatives called and wished us—some on Facetime too—many of whom we had not even connected with in a long time. We didn’t feel as if we were in isolation, and it was a pleasure to have Neha and Kaavya with us for what will be one of our most memorable anniversaries.

People have even dealt with adversities like illnesses, death and separation in seclusion. This lockdown has taught us a lot about resilience, selflessness, sharing and tolerance—in short, it has helped us relook at the world and all of humanity in a completely new way.

We still have many more things to work on. Kaavya likes to read several stories and sing a number of songs before sleeping, and needs much animation during mealtimes. So, for the remaining days of the lockdown, we still have our list of challenges to conquer!

Midlife Euphoria Day 30

                                                           Snowbound

After a certain age, one becomes quite impetuous while taking certain decisions. Basically, with the growing years you feel you have the maturity and knowhow of handling difficult situations. If children make similar choices, we are ready to pounce on them terming them irresponsible and wild.

Recently, we created such a situation for ourselves. We were to go for a wedding to Chandigarh. It was the peak of winter. On an impulse, we decided to drive to Naldehra in the hills—just a three hour drive from Chandigarh. We wanted to experience the real chilly weather of the hills and the snowfall if we were lucky enough. Everyone who heard us thought that we had lost it. Who in their right mind, at our age, would choose to go from Delhi’s cold weather to the freezing hills?

Though we have a little place in Mashobra, just a couple of kilometres from Naldhera, we opted to stay in a hotel. We did not want to get into the hassle of opening and running the house for just two or three days. According to the weather forecast, we would just about miss the snowfall as it was expected a day after our checkout from the hotel. We would have loved to have experienced the snowfall. I call myself a “weather good luck charm”, or WGLC for short. I told my husband not to worry, as with me around we’d surely see the snow during our stay!

We checked into the hotel, took a nice long walk in the evening going down-hill from the hotel which was perched up on a hill. We enjoyed a cosy dinner in the new hotel that had opened just a year back. The rooms were centrally heated, so we had a good rest at night.

The next day was a dream. It was nice and sunny with the right amount of chill expected on the hills. We were absolutely prepared for the weather, clothed in our thermals, woollen socks, trekking shoes, mufflers, gloves, scarves, caps and windcheaters. At our age, comfort precedes looking stylish—even for photographs. I say this, because we saw some young people in very inadequate clothing in the freezing weather, clicking pictures in their Sunday bests. Undoubtedly, they were shivering but their pictures were wow compared to ours, all bundled up in martial-type attire.

We went and played golf at the Naldehra golf course. It is a beautiful course with undulating terrain. It was, however, all brown as the grass burns in the winter. We still had a wonderful game. It was an exhilarating experience playing under the clear bright blue sky amidst the chilly winds. We then ate a hilly meal, consisting of chana madra, siddu, kaddu ka khatta and chha gosht.

We visited our house in Mashobra, met the staff there and kept a few things that we had brought along from Delhi which would be used in the summer, when we shift residence for a couple of months. So far, the trip was no less than a dream.

At night, we packed our bags all set to leave for Gurgaon in the morning. My husband was taking a dig at me, asking what had happened to my ‘WGLC magic.’ We were hoping for snow but where was it? I just said the night is still young, let’s see...

Clairvoyantly, it started to snow at around midnight. I was thrilled to bits when I said, “Didn’t I say?” with a gleam in my eye. The morning woke us with a lot of commotion outside. People were running in the corridors, and there was a lot of noise of children laughing and shouting. We looked out of the window and saw a glorious sight. The entire topography was covered with pristine white layers of snow. The trees, bushes, road, pavement, hills, garden and furniture were all covered with soft, white, cotton-like snow. It looked simply beautiful. We felt as if we were in the Swiss Alps. Everything looked clean and white, an image from a picture book.

It was still snowing when we emerged from our room and like all other tourists, took pictures and made soft flaky snowballs and threw them at each other. We had planned to stay a night halfway down our destination at Kandaghat, which was a couple of hours’ drive from Naldehra. Since my husband was the sole driver, we wanted to go at ease and break journey on our way back. We decided to enjoy the snowfall and leave in the afternoon.

Surprisingly, it was not very wet and the snow felt cold yet not slippery. We could walk around with our feet going in and out with ease. By now, the mountains nearby were also getting covered with a thin layer of snow. Everything looked brilliant and I thanked my good luck charm gift—becoming more and more convinced about my secret talent.

However, what proceeded next was quite unpredictable. The snow continued to fall. And it refused to stop. People started getting anxious, especially the ones like us who were to check out. News of people stranded on the highways started trickling in. It was the heaviest snowfall of the season.

We had a leisurely lunch, occupying a seat next to the window from where we could observe the falling snow. It looked lovely. We were enjoying watching the excitement of all the tourists, especially children who were throwing snowballs on each other and taking pictures in the most comical poses. Since we had a short journey, we didn’t pay much heed to the gossip around. We could leave at leisure.

Just when we were about to leave the restaurant to proceed for checkout, someone announced that the roads had all been blocked with snow and nobody could leave that day. On further enquiry, we realised that it was true and many people who were already on their way up or down were stranded on the highway. My good luck charm had overworked!

I recalled another time when we were at Barcelona some summers ago with a group of friends. Rain was a possibility but I had told a couple of them not to worry as they were with me—the ultimate weather good luck charm. Sure enough, it turned out to be a wonderful bright day the next morning. But slowly the morning sun had started to warm up and soon became almost brutal. It was a very hot day. Later, we learnt that it was one of the hottest days in Barcelona. I realised that my charm works but then it overworks, and I can’t do much about it. Nevertheless, the next day it rained in Barcelona when we were taking a flight out. The rain could not weigh down our day but the sun was a bit of a deterrent. I consoled myself with the thought that one can’t have one’s cake and eat it too.

Now that the roads were closed, we were in a fix. Nature is beautiful but can sometimes be unreasonable. We can plan as much as we want to, but are helpless before nature’s eccentricities. The next day was my daughter’s birthday and we had decided to be back for it. It seemed a remote possibility now, as the drive would be longer and more tedious the next day—if at all—as we would have to combat bad weather and snow along with a long distance.

The hotel was very comfortable but my worry now was that what if the electric supply gets affected? What will become of all of us? The hotel reassured us that they had enough backup generators, food supply, water and other amenities to last for a week. Once we were reassured, we were all set to enjoy the extra day that we would be spending snowbound.

The children kept calling us to find out if we were safe, warm and comfortable. They told us that we were most irresponsible, and at our age rational people visit seaside places like Goa to chill out in the winter instead of going to the hills to literally chill.

In reality, we were quite comfortable and were actually enjoying the wonderful weather. Yes, there was a bit of a concern about our homeward journey but in our midlife, we take things in our stride and deal with situations when we actually encounter them.

The day went off well. In the evening, the snow stopped falling. The roads started to get cleared by whatever means the state had. We were told that by morning the highway would be drivable, barring a few areas.

However, the next morning we were dismayed to hear that we could not get to the main road from the hotel as they had no means to clear the snow from their driveway, which was a steep 400 yards. This was ridiculous. Since it was the hotel’s first year, they had not experienced snow before and were incapable of clearing this unexpected heavy snowfall. My husband took the reins in his hand. Being a hotelier himself, his word carried weight. He asked the general manager to depute 7–8 well-built guys from the staff to shovel the snow manually and make way for the cars to leave the hotel. All of us could not be marooned in the hotel just for 400 yards of snow!

Lo and behold, by 11.30 am the snow had been shovelled making enough passage for cars to leave one by one. In the meantime, my husband had chalked out an alternative route from the travel desk, to reach our destination. A lot of people decided to follow us. For long journeys, we normally like to leave early in the morning to reach our destination at a decent hour. Starting at 11.30 am for a 10-hour long journey seemed a bit silly but we had little choice.

Unlike the regular highway, the new route was not only longer and unfamiliar but also single-laned and very meandering. Every time there was a vehicle coming from the opposite direction, we had to stop or reverse to let it pass. It was taking us much longer than usual.

The children were constantly on the phone, wanting to know how we were progressing. My daughter insisted that we spend the night on the way somewhere, and not try to be gallant by reaching her just because of her birthday. We also felt that we should stop somewhere and avoid driving at night. However, when we were half way down and hit the familiar route—on an impulse, we decided to carry on and surprise our daughter.

Soon, it was dark and my husband was quite exhausted by then. But now, we were just a couple of hours away from our destination. So we carried on.

Finally at around 10.30 at night after a gruelling 11 hour drive, we reached my daughter’s house and rang the doorbell. The gleeful look on her face obliterated all our discomfort and anxiety of the day. It was a priceless moment. She was thrilled but was showing her anger by telling us that we should behave our age, be more responsible and not try to be superhuman. We tried to look guilty and remorseful but felt happy deep down to have done what we did.

The concern of the kids shows that they care, which is a great feeling. When we advise or scold them, we want them to realise that it’s not because we are controlling or archaic but because we care and love them. They also lack the wisdom of years. I firmly believe that every year adds common sense and capability to deal with challenging circumstances. In this area, we are definitely ahead of them.

We have no regrets but a couple of happy pictures captured on our camera remind us of our great adventure. Given a chance, we may like to do something thrill-seeking another time.

Midlife Euphoria Day 29

Birth of a “Tiger Mom”

I never thought I would be writing this piece in Midlife Euphoria but here I am. My younger daughter had a baby girl eight months ago. All through her pregnancy, she was completely wrapped around her own physiological, emotional and biological changes, configuring each stage with a neurosurgeon’s precision. From drinking liquids, to giving up tea, coffee, exercising every day, popping vitamins and mineral pills without fail and hearing Mozart to calm frayed nerves—nothing was left out. We were all very impressed by her commitment but I could not ascertain any mommy-to-be intentions in her enthusiasm.

On mentioning it casually once, she remarked indifferently that this emergence of maternal instinct was a hype created by ridiculous mushy mothers who have nothing better to do. I smiled in my wisdom as before we became mothers, similar thoughts may have reined in our minds. In fact at my place of work, the new moms would discuss every lopsided smile, hiccup, throw up, poop (sic) of their bundle of joy with great ecstasy—much to our (the non-moms’) disgust.

But let a baby into your life … everything changes and the world revolves around that 6-pound, 20-inch or so piece of humanity that is placed in your arms. Inadvertently, I joined the mommy club once my daughter was born. It dawned upon me the day I got wrapped around an hour long discussion on the colour of my daughter’s poop (yuck!) with another fretful mom. A mom had arrived!

My daughter had her baby through a C-section. When the baby was placed in her arms, she showed little signs of elation. She was more concerned about the doctor’s guidelines about her health. One thing that stayed with her was that she must not pick up weight. Till she was recovering her own strength, she seemed pretty indifferent towards the baby. It was mostly me and her mother-in-law who were playing the surrogate mother, especially while in the hospital. Once at home when she was up and about, I remember telling her to pick up the baby. She snapped at me saying that the doctor had clearly said that she should not pick up weight. A baby’s weight is no weight. But to keep her humoured, I would pick up the baby and place her in her arms. A few days later, we were leaving the house for an hour or so to finish some mundane work. I was amazed at her reaction. She said, “You can’t leave me alone with her,” pointing to the baby.

But a slow transformation was taking place. She would be conscious of the baby’s every whimper, would worry if she slept or cried too much. Immediately, she was on a Mommy’s group on WhatsApp exchanging every small detail of consequence … like the colour of the poop, burps, hiccups, etc.

My elder daughter who has two boys aged 3 and 6 was her role model. Every information was sifted through her. She is a hands-on mom and has brought up the kids mostly on her own except for the first few months of help from parents, as she lives in the US with her husband.

Besides her, there were many other mentors for this mom. There was Google, Baby Center, YouTube, books. We made mistakes and learnt from them the hard way. But this generation doesn’t want to make mistakes. They have multiple channels of information guiding them step by step.

Yet, this new generation does not put down the grandma’s tested remedies to soothe the baby either. They listen patiently to parents and in-laws and let them try out age-old home cures like rubbing asafoetida on the stomach to relieve colic. Anything that brings relief to the baby is welcome as long as it in non-invasive and harmless.

Over the months, this cool mom started metamorphosing. She set up a conditioning routine for sleep time which consisted of reading a couple of books, singing a few songs and then playing soft Mozart which would enable her baby to sleep well. She learnt to swaddle, bathe and massage the baby like an expert.

She would take the baby away saying it’s her sleep time when she seemed happy playing around. Baby Center said that babies need a nap every two hours. We would protest but each time she would manage to put her down even though it was for 40 minutes. It seems that brain development is fastest when the baby sleeps. Babies must sleep for 14–16 hours. She ensured all was as per the book.

In retrospect, thanks to my elder daughter’s advice, the little baby is in bed latest by 7 pm leaving the grownups to have a sane conversation and a leisurely dinner—and also allowing the young parents to paint the town red in the evenings whenever required. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

Since my daughter is a freelancer, she works from home in her bedroom next to the baby. She is busy on her computer and at the slightest sign of discomfort from the baby, she is besides her comforting her. The baby is stress-free as the mother is always around and the mother is happy as she gets her work done and can keep a hawk’s eye on the kid. A few times, she had to travel but she made it clear that she would be bringing her infant along. She has managed a flight and a train ride when the baby was just a few months old and a even couple of car journeys.

She refused to keep a birthing nurse, which is a norm many moms follow in urban Delhi. She likes to be a hands-on mom ensuring the best hygiene without being overly fastidious, as a bit of immunity has to be built. She has turned into quite a supermom.

The final test came when we took a short holiday to Sariska, a tiger reserve on the outskirts of Delhi. It is about three hours’ drive from where we live. We were four adults and an eight month old baby in the car. However, most of the car was filled with the baby’s baggage—her pram, her harness, baby bag, diaper bag, clothes bag, blankets and food bag. She was great all through the drive. When we reached our destination, ironically named Tiger’s Den, she was napping on my daughter’s lap. My daughter said that she would continue to sit with her for a while in the car while we take out the luggage and check in. My husband opened the windows so that fresh air could come in.

Before we could say Jack Robinson, a monkey jumped into the car where my daughter and baby were. My daughter’s first reaction was to turn her back towards the monkey to shield the baby and then jump out of the car with a piercing shriek. The monkey got terrified by the "tiger roar" and promptly jumped out of the car window. It was the scariest thing I have witnessed in a while. All was well, and that was when I realized that my daughter’s metamorphosis from a carefree young girl to a vigilant mom was complete—and that too, a tiger mom who would not leave any stone unturned to shield and protect her cub from any danger or stranger.