Midlife Euphoria Day 17

Q:   Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are
       interested in them?
A:   Try a bookstore under fiction.

This joke in my opinion is outdated and not relevant in this age.

Now-a-days the young, sexy and the go-getting women make a bee line for the 50 plus.

Reason or rather some of the reasons are:

1)      At 50 + a man is at the pinnacle of his business /career.

2)      He has maturity, authority and an immaculate personality.

3)      He is worldly wise and sophisticated.

4)      He looks suave and has cultivated style.

5)      He has an opulent life style and a luxurious car.

6)      He can offer to buy expensive gifts.

7)      He can indulge in exotic holidays.

8)      He has a bevy of staff to make you feel on top of the world.

9)      He is ecstatic with the attention from the opposite sex especially if she is young, sexy and obliging.

10)  It is easy to boost up his ego by simple maneuvers.

The rationale can go on and on but I think I have made my point.

In the recent years the very disturbing trend has been witnessed is  the so called rock solid marriages that seem to be shaking. People who have been married for years are suddenly finding solace in someone else’s arms.

A wealthy, successful chap does not want to put up with the tantrums of his menopausal wife especially when he has a young vibrant secretary who is just the converse of his pragmatic and ageing wife.

There are many celebrity married couples where the man is old enough to be the father of the woman. Whether it is younger woman dating older man, older women dating younger men or women getting attracted to already married men, society does not look kindly at the woman in such relationships. Those women are often branded as gold diggers or the other woman whereas the man in the relationship would be called a ‘stud’ or ‘hero’

This drift has been around for a while. This happens more so with celebrities because they are so much in the public glare and the reactions are all the more manifest. However the phenomenon, whether people like it or not, is increasingly coming out in the open. In the past too, such relationships existed but were not talked about too much.

 In Bollywood, Thespian Dalip Kumar married Saira Banu who was considered a beauty in those days and was half his age, then Rajesh Khanna married Dimple who was about 20 years his junior in age.

Step into Hollywood it is common to find young girls losing their hearts to famous, flourishing older people. Hugh Hefner at the ripe old age of 84 has married Crystal Harris, 24 year beauty. Hugh Hefner’s marriage to Crystal Harris will “definitely” be his third and last. The 84-year-old Playboy mogul thinks the 24-year-old beauty “deserves” to still be his spouse when he eventually passes away. Some other celebrated weddings of younger girls marrying much older men are, Ronald Reagan and Nancy, John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline, Elvis Presley and Priscilla, Prince Charles and Diana Spencer, Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones

The term cougar refers to a relationship where a woman is romantically involved with a much younger man and it was the theme of the 2009 super hit film "Wake up Sid". Audiences loved watching Ranbir Kapoor falling in love with the older Konkona Sen Sharma and even thronged the theatres for it.

In India, the most publicized cougar couple was Saif Ali Khan who married Amrita Singh way back in 1991. She was 12 years older to him. Their marriage had raised a lot of eyebrows, with people questioning the compatibility and the big age-gap, but it lasted a good 12 years. In 2004 they got divorced.

Even master blaster Sachin Tendulkar's wife Anjali Tendulkar is five years older to him whereas Bollywood actress Manisha Koirala has married seven years younger Samrat Dahal and choreographer-turned-director Farah Khan exchanged vows with eight-year younger Shirish Kunder.

In Hollywood the trend has been more common.Quite a few Hollywood celebrities have had successful "cougar" marriages

Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher Demi Moore was 42 and Ashton Kutcher was 27 when they married. Tina Turner and Erwin Bach had an age difference of 16 years, Elizabeth Taylor was 20 years older than Larry Fortensky, Joan Collins married Robin Hurlstone, 25 years her junior and  Percy Gibson-who was 32 years younger than her. Gina Lollobrigida and Javier Rigauy Rafols were 34 yrs apart in age.

Other such couples are Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (12-year age gap), Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (10-year age gap).

Even pop diva Madonna, known for her experimental looks, tried it when she tied the knot with 10-year younger Guy Ritchie. But they separated two years ago.

Recently we have  witnessed non celebrity couples too breaking up just after the marriage of their children. It appears as if they had a pact to perform this last act before going their separate ways.

The wives are content with the hefty maintenance that the prosperous husband can offer and the man is happy to flaunt a sexy eye candy in his ageing arms like a trophy. The arrangement works for every one while the estranged couple continues to be friends. The children have little objection to the new member in their parents life as combating with the pressures of the modern day living, they have very little to do with them in any case.

 According to psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh, “ just as a woman would look for a father figure or fulfil her needs for protection in an older man, a man would look for a mother figure or fulfil his needs for tender care and love in an older woman."

Moreover, a drastic shift in the financial status has made today's women independent and they enjoy the power to pick and choose their partners without worrying about age, money and caste.

"Women today, just like the men, are experimenting and are also sure enough of themselves to take such chances. In this whole discussion, we must not make it a feminist thing as it is as much a woman's choice as a man's. The younger man is also, at the same time, taking the decision to marry an older woman," said Chugh.

Who says there is no excitement in midlife?

Midlife Euphoria

Midlife euphoria Day 16

                   

                Sooner we realise, the better..................

His Holiness, The Dalai Lama was once
asked what thing about humanity surprises him the most.
His reply was: "Man.
Because he sacrifices his health to make money.

Then he sacrifices his money to regain his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future, that he doesn't
enjoy the present.
And as a result, he doesn't live in the present or for the
future.
And he lives as if he's never going to die.
And then he dies having never really lived."

I read this somewhere and realized how true this rings and on further reflection saw the wisdom that is implied in these words of his Holiness, The Dalai Lama.

Isn’t it true that most of us work fanatically putting in 10-12 hours of work (not taking the commute time which takes up a couple of hours more) when we are young? Not only that we then party till the wee hours of the morning and resume work the next day.

This pace of life is to protect ourselves financially and be able to take care of ourselves and our health when we are old. Firstly we are earning money to safe guard our health in the future, the very thing that we are abusing in our youth.

These days the young people start their careers with astounding pay packages. The remuneration looks very attractive but an employer who pays this kind of money wants his pound of flesh.

Result, these greenhorns work their buts off (literally- sitting on a computer from morn to night) labouring for 12-14 hours. Then they are expected to entertain, travel and meet deadlines. These naïve fools do not comprehend that the cunning employer is getting the work of two with wages for one and a half. Both go laughing to the bank but the poor worker is burnt out by the time he is forty and on top of it has a list of disorders that chase him for the rest of his life.

Gone are the good old days when government offices used to shut at five in the evening and the defense personnel put the shutters down at one noon. After a leisurely lunch and a nap at home, the evening was meant for out door games, brisk walks, exercise and socializing in the evenings. The scenario is no longer the same. You see harassed employees sitting in their chambers much after 8 pm. On reaching home they have no energy for outdoor or any other recreational pursuit. Invariably what becomes the refuge is the television which has been called the “The idiot box” by many. It is an indolent and inactive form of entertainment stifling communication skills and curbing intellectual stimulation. Not only that, creatively is massacred and we tend to become slaves of sluggishness swallowing any trash that is doled out. The exposé turns us off but one is too apathetic to think otherwise and slowly resign ourselves to our helpless fate becoming couch potatoes a term synonymous with obesity.

Obesity and insomnia is a root of sleep apnea, a term I was recently made familiar with. Inactivity in their life styles brings about obesity while trying to catch 36 hours from a normal cycle of 24 hours sets off insomnia. Shift work and jet lag are the other causes which makes one more prone to this disorder. In sleep apnea the throat collapses or becomes obstructed, causing breathing to stop for several seconds. Sixty to seventy percent of sleep apnea patients are obese.

The frequent drops in oxygen level and reduced sleep quality trigger the release of stress hormones. These compounds raise your heart rate and increase your risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, and arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats). The hormones also raise the risk of heart failure. These are some of the ailments the young are suffering from much ahead of time.

Doesn’t this scare the daylights out of you?

None of us start eating right, exercise or relax unless prescribed by the doctor. More and more people are going to dieticians, spiritual healers and meditation workshops, yoga instructors etc in their quest to obtain peace, equilibrium and general well being.

Young people sport grey hair, suffer from hypertension and diabetes and undergo cardio-vascular disturbance much before age.

The reason behind it is “A life style change” and the remedy is “A life style change”

Why is the youth emulating us the mid- lifers in the way we look. Too early they have grey hair, paunches and stiffness of bones and other medical issues we may or may not have. Instead why don’t they embrace the life style of “take it easy”, working at our pace, more tolerance, eating right and exercising enough to keep our limbs working? Why must they first accumulate wealth by destroying their wellbeing and then nurse themselves back disseminating the very assets they killed themselves to earn?

We must learn to live moderately, value our possessions and have the capacity to enjoy them for the longest time.

It is easier said than done. Each one of us has to tread on this path, learn from our faults and chalk out our own future plans and reach this level of realization.

Thankfully we at midlife have moved on to this comfort zone. We have done it and seen it all and moved on. Therefore we are happier, more relaxed and moving at a healthier pace of life. There is no rush in our lives. If we can’t get something today we can wait till tomorrow. We are calm and a lot more tolerant, maintaining a better equilibrium in our life.

Three cheers for Midlife!!!!

Midlife Euphoria Day 15

Midlife Euphoria Day 15

One of the most euphoric times in your life is when your child is to be married. Biologically it is only possible sometime during your midlife.

I was a couple of years short of fifty, when my daughter got married.

Arranging a wedding is one of the most tedious and elaborate events that you can imagine. I am sure if I was younger, I would not have been able to rise to the occasion as I did and if I was older I would have collapsed with the strain.

A younger person would surely have more energy but would lack the sensitivity to handle fragile relationships that need to be handled tactfully especially during weddings. Similarly a much older person would be solicitous no doubt but could be short of adequate energy, which let me tell you, is of great consequence.

Therefore to organize a massive event like an Indian wedding you need the wisdom of the older generation and effervesce of the youth. Your being in midlife helps as your communication channels are less cloudy, on either side, in terms of a generation gap.

So far you have been juggling relationships from a girl/boy to a wife/husband, brother/sister, mother/father, daughter- in- law/son-in-law, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew or a cousin. But now you are going to be the dreaded mother- in- law/father-in-law (MIL/FIL).

You get nightmares thinking about all the jokes that you have heard about in- laws/out- laws. You have to embrace a whole set of people in your life once again as in-laws not your own but your daughter’s or son’s. This is a whole lot harder as you are supposedly older and wiser and your children also look up to you to carry out the whole thing with suave élan.

When the initial excitement after the announcement of the wedding is over, what follows is bouts of apprehension which may be accompanied by insomnia. When you sit down to make a list of “things to do” you are panic stricken and wish your child had decided to elope instead. However after the first few days the enormity of the responsibility tends to sink in and here I must say the wisdom of years takes over. I sincerely think when God created the world he looked into all these minor details to make sure all the systems that he fashioned are workable. That is precisely the reason; the responsibility of marrying children comes to you when you are in your midlife.

I judiciously made lists and organized myself well to ensure that the marriage ceremonies move according to the plan. I must admit the best ideas would come to me late at night and I would promptly forget them in the morning, till to my husbands chagrin, I became wise and started jotting down my pearls of wisdom in a note book kept next to my bed.

Suddenly a whole lot of advice pours into your lap about, venues, menus, events, guest lists, presents, clothes, rituals, printing of cards, decorations, event managers and so on. Each recommendation seems sincere and worthy. After some time instead of being thankful you are thoroughly confused. Again with the wisdom of years you sift the suggestions and evolve your own approach which suits your circumstances and pocket, without offending anyone because you need the support of the family and friends to accomplish a successful wedding ceremony.

After a while you realize that your organizational abilities have really improved. It is like a crash course in MBA (Masters in  Business Administration ) Your mind becomes alert, you pull off a lot more than expected without ruffling a lot of  feathers.

When the meticulously planned action unfolds you are amazed at the ease with which one occasion follows the next moving on oiled wheels. Your managerial skills are honed and perform to its zenith.

After this triumph you become an honorary wedding planner for all and sundry and mind you, you enjoy the role as you have been there and it is nice to be on the other side.

There is a famous saying in Hindi, “ Bal safed  dhoop mein nahi huea hai”- implying that the grey in your hair is not because of the sun but the vast wisdom that life occurrences have conferred upon you.

Here is an upside to the silver in your hair.

Midlife Euphoria Day 14

Midlife Euphoria Day 14

We moved from Jaipur to Delhi a couple of years back. We had bought a flat in a condominium and wanted to shift into our own accommodation. After residing in company houses in various places where my husband was posted for 30 years we were excited. It was a great high to live in our own apartment and to stay in a multistory housing complex was the first for us. So far we had lived in large bungalows/ cottages, with ample storage spaces, garages, sprawling well manicured lawns and out-houses for servants.

Our excitement grew into apprehension when we saw our stuff getting packed for moving into our new abode. Three truck loads barely managed to squeeze all our belongings.(This after disposing off a considerable amount of stuff). Over the years one tends to collect an assortment of bits and pieces from numerous places as souvenirs, which are chosen with great care and become an almost indispensable part of our lives.

 The first problem was to move all our stuff on to the 11^th floor where our apartment was and once that was accomplished, to fit it all into the new, much reduced space.

It was an ordeal. For months the servant’s room was full till the top with stuff that we could not fit into the living areas. After six odd months, using barely half the stuff we had, made us realize that we can live without the rest.

First lesson in learning was to live in minimalist furnishings and the second important one was to dispense with the extra. I will be truthful to state that it was not easy to dole out our cherished belongings, but once we were through, I assure you we were better-off and much relieved. Besides cleaning and dusting which became much easier, a lot of clutter was removed not only physically but from our minds too.

Instead of missing the lawns one was ecstatic with the view from the 11^th floor balcony and ticked to have more relaxation time, as garden tending was a persistent activity. Instead one bought a few selected potted plants to add greenery and colour to the home. Not only was this an easier option on maintenance point of view but the effect it brought was definitely pleasing to the eye.

Another problem that was taken care off was the power back up facility that is provided in condominiums. Now we could operate all our electric/electronic equipment with no break in service and without the worry of maintaining a generator and stocking up diesel to run it.

The other very agreeable factor was that every time we wanted to go traveling we did not have to be concerned about security. The apartments have their own guards and safety systems in place. All you need to do is lock the main doors securely, put your bags in the car and drive off without a care.

I took to multistory living like fish takes to water.

As one is living in an apartment one tends to bump into neighbours in the elevator, while parking or just walking about in the evenings. These chance meetings also occur in the club, gymnasium or swimming pool meant for the residents. During one of these casual encounters, I volunteered to be part of a spiritual group who met once a week to sing devotional songs and chant religious mantras.  Promptly the next week I got an invitation to attend a satsang in a neighbour’s house.

I am not overtly godly but since I am in my midlife maybe I was expected to confine to the conventional rules of getting older and wiser which is synonymous with becoming spiritual. What ever the reason be, the first time I went was, out of sheer curiosity.

The setting was much sanctified. There was the fragrance of fresh flowers and an elaborate elevated platform adorned with idols of various gods and the delicate scent of incense. We were all handed out a prayer book and precisely on time the bhajans started.

I was struggling to read/sing the words following the rhythm and tempo created by the gathering. I looked up to see the other participants and was amazed to see that most of them had their eyes shut and were singing verbatim without glancing at the book. It was a lot of songs and a lot of Sanskrit shalokas. I was bewildered.

Only the other day a group of us in our fifties were discussing ways to ward off old age and related symptoms like, lack of memory, absentmindedness and clumsiness. The various solutions provided to mentally stimulate ourselves were, Solving Puzzles, Crosswords, Soduku and memorizing long passages word for word.

Now what I was witnessing at the satsang meeting was an actual implementation of one of the ways out. These amazing women in their sacred pursuit were also stimulating their brain cells. The accomplishment of a scientifically proven remedy for old age related issues was being conducted in a very pleasurable manner in a group with an added achievement of attaining spirituality.

After the session someone read a passage from the Holy Scripture Gita and the text was explained in simple words. Since I was naïve in many ways there were a lot of queries that I had, and surprisingly they were explained to me quite convincingly. The whole experience was brilliant and I was astonished at how much I enjoyed it.

Since then I have made it a point to attend as many sessions as I can, and mind you I feel regretful when I cannot make it due to work pressure or otherwise. This group activity energizes you. I have got to know a couple of these women who I can call friends. There is always some interesting discussion that we get into, we also share our joys and worries and there is also a little tea party that follows which we all look forward to.

Nevertheless to say even I can recite a lot from the book without looking into it.

Great mental stimulation for my ageing grey cells!

Midlife Euphoria Day 12

Midlife Euphoria Day 13

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday morning. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the computer with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:
I turned the internet and checked my mail.  A friend had sent me a “forward” THE STORY OF A 1000 MARBLES
I was intrigued and clicked on it to read what it said.
The acumen I gathered from it stays with me till date.
 Let me share the excerpt with you. I hope that it brings about a similar realization to all who read it.

Conversation between an anchor and a guest on a radio talk show:
"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital," he continued; "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."
"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.
Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3,900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.
It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.
Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.
There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.
Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.
It was nice to meet you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 year old man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"
This little piece touched a chord in my heart.  He gave me a lot to think about. His philosophy was so simple yet so true. Very often we neglect to do the most important and obvious things although they are almost effortless and entirely within our power to accomplish
I had planned to work on cleaning my cupboard that morning, and then I was going to meet up with the housing society members to work on the next community program.
Instead, I went to the study where my husband was sipping his coffee and said, "C'mon take me out for brunch today"

"What brought this on?" he asked with a smile.
"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together, just the two of us.” And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

Midlife Euphoria – Day 12

A friend of mine and I decided to take a short holiday from our spouses, children and household responsibilities.  Location was not a concern but the objective, “Chill and let go” was of great consequence.

We decided to go around Christmas for a week and return rejuvenated after the New Year. North India is usually reeling under a cold wave around this time, so to go to a warmer place was logical. After a couple of proposals we narrowed down to the Sri Aurobindo Ashram.  It is a community set up by a French lady and there is a lot of French influence still prevailing. Needless to say what clinched the issue was that both of us knew a smattering of French.

We booked our tickets well in time and awaited our approaching trip with great anticipation.

Anticlimax!!! The Tsunami occurred on 26^th December 2004, a day before we were to depart. Amongst the places involved were the coastal areas of Pondicherry.  Our families  were a bit vary of the trip from the start, on  pathetic grounds  like: safety of two lone women traveling  in unknown terrains, being away during vacation time etc,  now had legitimate reasons to oppose the whole idea.

Although the devastation of the Tsunami did worry us, yet we were two determined women who could not be dissuaded easily. Conflicting propositions started to pour in to help us make our decision. Some said if the Tsunami has occurred in one region it is unlikely to occur there again in such a short time, others terrified us by saying that the seismic currents can continue to play havoc much after the initial devastation. Finally it was decided that we would go to the airport and if the flight takes off, we would go. 

Here I would like to reiterate that our age proved to be the knight in shining armour. If we were in our twenties or thirties it would have been much easier to frighten and discourage us and we would have put off the trip. But the confidence and willfulness that one acquires in midlife saw us through this escapade. In retrospect I am glad we embarked on this venture.

Needless to say, the flight was not cancelled although the plane had very few passengers and though a bit nervous, we alighted the plane keeping up a brave front.

Sri Aurobindo Ashram is located in Pondicherry, a small coastal town 160 km south of Chennai, in south India. We arrived there by air and thereafter covered the remaining distance to Pondicherry by road, along the coast, a journey which took about 3 hours.  A dicey proposition, no doubt, just a day after the wreckage caused by the Tsunami. With trepidation we continued with our plans and on arriving in our modest room at the Ashram, the sound of the sea waves did not raise our already plummeted spirits, rather it had the opposite effect.

However the experience of living as residents of the Ashram was beyond description. Dinner was a simple meal consisting of a basic dal and plain rice was served in the community dining hall. We woke up early by default as the lights were switched off at 10 pm.  We took a walk in the morning and came to the dining area for a minimal breakfast of a savoury porridge and a cup of tea.

The founder of the Ashram, the Mother was born as Mirra Alfassa in Paris in 1914. The Mother voyaged first to Pondicherry to meet Sri Aurobindo, whom she at once recognized as the one who for many years had inwardly guided her spiritual development. The next time she came was to establish the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in November 1926, and Sri Aurobindo entrusted its full material and spiritual charge to the Mother. Under her guidance, which continued for nearly fifty years, the Ashram grew into a large, many-faceted spiritual community.
The excellent example of town planning in Pondicherry comprises of Palais Du Gouvernment, the old tribunals and well laid three line roads and other magnificent buildings. Raj Nivas, a magnificent palace built in 1742 is a harmonious blend of Indian and French architectural styles. Even today the sign posts are in French and the language is taught and spoken by the inhabitants. We had a whale of a time trying out our disjointed French with the residents.

We would go to the Samadhi for pranam and collective meditation daily. There was no compulsion but the spirituality and discipline drove us to attend the ashram activities. The dwellers in this Ashram have formed a spiritual community that gives them an aura of sublime peace and calmness. The ashram consists of 2000 residents including 400 students of the centre of education. The Ashram is like a mini township. It is an awesome estate of 120 buildings. These buildings serve as educational institutes and as industries. It takes care of the needs of the inmates of the ashram and various departments look after the basic requirements of food, clothing and shelter as well as medical care.

One can find farms, gardens, a printing press, some small-scale industries, libraries and facilities for recreation as well as cultural activities. An important part of the ashram is the Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. The system practiced here is entirely different. The belief is that every child is unique in its thinking and the centre of education tries to help them grow and nurture them in their individual way and leave the choice to the children.

The individuality of the place was really intriguing and made quite an impact on us. There was tranquility, peace and contentment every where we went. Using mobile phones was improper, our rooms did not have a television or phone, and newspapers were in Tamil. In short, we were cut off from the rest of the world. It can throw some people off balance but we loved it. We were at peace. We woke up when we wanted, dressed leisurely and believe me, there was no reason to dress up à la mode, one could just wear anything and gel with the environment. The simple food served at the Ashram cleansed our system and we felt energetic.

Since there was not much distraction we talked to each other a lot about family, friends, relationships, philosophy, psychology, art, the past, the present and the future, thus getting rid of some of the cobwebs in our mind about various issues. During the meditation sessions we learnt to “hear silence” in a crowd of at least 200 people. These were amazing experiences and till date I hold them very close to my heart.

I remember the New Years Eve of year 2004. After the frugal dinner at the ashram we were in bed at 8.30 pm. We read our respective books till 10 pm and said good night to each other. We woke up at the crack of dawn without the alarm and wished each other a Happy New Year with enhanced energy to welcome the New Year.

There was no music, no dance, no late night, no elaborate buffet dinner or the noise of fire crackers. This morning was minus a hang over, headache, chill, stomach upset, lethargy, irritation or grogginess.  

One of the nicest new-year mornings after years!

Midlife Euphoria Day 11

I have three very close friends. They have had a very rough life. One lost her husband in mid thirties, one is separated and one is divorced. They went through a lot of mental agony and had to shoulder strategic responsibilities of bringing up young children, managing the household, finding appropriate sources of income single handedly at an early stage in life.

In normal circumstances this is no major feat. If you have a job, you have a planned future; you have invested well and have a neat amount tucked away for a rainy day. But in their case the misfortune that accompanied the parting with the spouse was a blow out of the blue.

Meera (name changed) struggled for a couple of years trying to salvage a dying husband who was slipping away due to illness and bad health. She took him to USA for treatment and knocked on every door that insinuated a cure. Finally when he passed away not only was she left with a broken heart but two small children and a depleted bank balance.

She had no time to mourn as compelling demands from all around kept her on her toes. Once a woman of leisure she had to start a career from scratch. She ventured from one enterprise to another, working for a travel agency, setting up a beauty parlour, running a taxi service, being employed in the hospitality industry to name a few. She had her ups and downs. She learnt the ways of the world by actually handling and dealing with challenging situations. Not only did it make her strong-willed but an excellent arbitrator of human nature. 

Now in her sixties she is a woman to be reckoned with. Her two children are well educated, married and suitably settled in their respective professions.

She has made a niche for herself as a woman of substance. She has kept herself looking like a million dollars by exercising and yoga. In her mid fifties she took up Classical dancing as an experiment and declared that she would perform on stage. Sure enough she mesmerized everyone with an almost impeccable dance performance on her 60^th birthday.

She took up horse riding in a big way and now travels at least three times a year around the world with her equestrian friends. While in town she has a small group of friends with whom she plays golf. It started off as a social routine but over the years, golf has become a passion and their game has improved considerably. She never stops to amaze us. A couple of years back she was engrossed in learning French. Her enthusiasm is almost childlike. Her explanation is that an active and healthy mind manages to keep one in good physical shape. And it rings so true in her case.

She has a rocking social life. She entertains single men without a qualm, serves drinks to her friends, travels as and when she desires. These are things she could not dream to do when she was 30 plus. Midlife has given her the confidence, poise and a permit to do what she wants, maintaining her dignity and respect. No one can take advantage of her vulnerability and her single status. Three cheers to midlife.

My second friend married into the royal family when she was very young. Before she knew she had two girls. Keeping herself busy with the family obligations she did not realize when her husband went astray. There were long separations and the final straw came when he declared he was going to remarry. She was completely shattered. Being in the traditional set up she continued to stay with her in-laws but felt worthless as she was not trained to pursue any kind of professional career. Also it was almost blasphemous for her wealthy in-laws to even imagine her to work outside the house. She was at a complete loss. The home did not require her to carry out the mundane household chores and as the girls grew she had plenty of time on hand. Being active socially would seem in appropriate for a single woman in that society and working was next to impossible.

Being a compassionate person she had to choose to do something that would gratify her and not upset the family unit. After a lot of deliberation she decided to train herself formally to handle disabled children.  The motive became a passion and she immersed herself in the cause of the hearing impaired. Since funds were not a problem and this activity seemed like social work her family supported her wholeheartedly. She set up the first formal school for the hearing impaired in her city. She worked day and night, finding the right staff, promoting the school, providing latest facilities, incorporating latest technology to raise the bar, imparting meaningful education and then finally reinstating her beneficiaries in the main stream of life by arranging jobs for them.

Mind you all this was carried out conforming to the traditional family framework, and  handling growing pains of two teenage girls for whom she was both the mother and the father figure.

Now in her midlife she is enjoying the fruit of her labour. Her school has been given international recognition and her family is proud of her achievement. Her two lovely daughters hold her in high esteem and she is no longer a person who invokes pity.

Because her efforts have gained international claim she travels extensively, entertains lavishly and enjoys life as much as she enjoys her work. She has her own set of rules to govern her life which are not questioned by anyone.  She has proved to be something more than an object of pity achieving more than many within the parameters of the family norms.

Now in her midlife she is truly a woman one would like to emulate.

My third friend is also truly a woman of substance. Working with the government she moved from place to place. Because of the nature of work her personal life suffered. In her case instead of distance making the heart go fonder, the reverse happened. She kept moving away physically and mentally from her spouse while bringing up the children single-handedly. Work was important and dealing with her male counterparts in the government was not easy especially as she was a single woman by choice. She bore all hardships and with her consistent good work gained the respect of her colleagues and superiors.

Why is it that an ambitious man is respected for his determination to do extremely well, but a capable woman is scorned for the same reason?

My friend chose to lead life at her own terms. She retired recently at the top of her career. She has financial security, love and respect of her family, children who look up to her and a circle of friends who enrich her life. The struggle of the previous years is over. Now in her midlife she is having the best time of her life. Because she has always been active she started a NGO recently for the welfare of women who have been abandoned by their families and have no means to survive. Already the good work done by like minded women spearheaded by her are showing results. Her experience and understanding makes her an excellent administrator for an organization like this. According to her it is  time to give back to society, working at your own pace, with your own rules within the authorized parameters.

What charmed lives live my three friends! They are an inspiration to all.

Age, success and the experience in dealing with hardships has given them the confidence to hold their head high above their shoulders.

Their upbeat attitude makes them the most sought out personalities.  They exude positivity. They are smart, well traveled, intelligent, fun to be with, non interfering, pleasantly occupied and financially secure.

In short they are women of substance, in their midlife, living life to the hilt, without a care in the world.

Isn’t that enchanting?